Saturday, December 13, 2014

New career goals

Working in the lab is lovely... I am gaining experience in a medical lab, I am working in the city for the first time (something I have deemed as an "adult" thing to do since i was younger) , and I am constantly learning new things. That being said, I have learned a few things about the career I was thinking about pursuing. For instance, medical laboratory technicians undergo a few semesters of clinical chemistry. They also stand around in my lab talking gossip or scurry from machine to machine with various samples/specimens in hand. I see this and I think... is it worth the money? First, there is how much money I'd have to pay for school. Yes, I will have some assistance from AHN now, but there is no promise of full reimbursement. The eventual pay is nice. But as technology changes, would I have to go back to school to stay up to date with the machines? One of the great techs that has been here for quite some time told me about one of the big layoffs in the past. At the very heart of it all, I am noticing two fears that scream out to me: 1. Am I smart enough to handle that schooling/ job? 2. Will I become bored quickly without the ability to have social experiences? So, I am packing my bags from Dreamland in Lab Tech World and moving to Phlebotomy city. I am in the process of registering for phlebotomy classes, and honestly, I feel excited already! Hahaha- nothing is final, started, or anything, and already it feels like the right move. Perhaps something will move me that makes me realize I actually do want to pursue nursing, but for now, I am comfortable with this decision to change my career goals. After today's shift, I'm off to the last night of filming for The 11th Hour!!! It's bittersweet; I'm grateful to not have the weekly commitment because I feel run down right now, but I will miss acting and shooting with these goofballs. I'm so excited for April to be able to see it in the theater. But more than anything, I'm trying to focus on positivity and getting back in shape. I feel like I have been in a dual funk- physical and emotional. Time to get back into the heart of this season and focus on advent, Jesus, and the great things in my life and get the heck outta my head!

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Vaccines, shmaccines

See, the thing I hate about vaccines is.... Okay, I don't hate everything. Preventing polio, I get that. But let's talk about the flu vaccination. I am a generally healthy woman with a mostly good diet that gets in a moderate amount of physical activity, and when i actually work out a SUPERB amount of physical activity! But working in a hospital, even in the lab, I am required to get the flu vaccine. I had the option to not get it done and read through some "educational" material online and sign off on it. Sadly though, as a newer hire, I had issues with the website that Highmark was using. Lucky me! After calling three separate departments, filing an online problem form, and visiting the employee health office only to be told I needed to call yet another department, I caved and got the shot. Deadlines and phonecalls made my head explode and I gave in. So today? Yep, I'm dealing with an unstuffable stuffy nose. My arm where I got the shot already feels better, but the rest of me? Exhausted and sore. Coooooool. :p This is why this healthy woman that takes vitamins almost regularly and hardly ever gets sick thinks that the flu vaccine is not made for her. And now another fun road block- my general exhaustion. English class- final research paper turned in, final group presentation done, nothing left to worry about. Pscyh class- have to write final paper but it will be a cinch and isn't due for two weeks, not much to worry about. Bio- OH BROTHER.... Felt like crap today, mentally mostly, and skipped my last lecture class. Thankfully I had the notes printed out already, but still there is definitely a bonus to discussing the topics with her and knowing exactly how she wants to define things. And Monday I'll be jumping right into the lab final. Ugh. At least I have the cell numbers of my lab group partners; I'll pick their brains later as to what we went over in class today so I'm prepared. But that's not all! Monday is just the LAB final... Wednesday is the lecture final! Oh yay! I guess I'm just stressing over it because I have so much chemistry to look forward to that I need to grasp this class to move on. At least in my mind. Plus, I feel completely confident about my english and psych class based on the overall semester and high school overall too. Bio is my wildcard though. Well, off to work to sit and feel miserable. Hopefully these symptoms go away soon so I can get back to cramming life in. But why oh why can't I just sit at home and watch Grey's Anatomy under my blanket with my fur nuggets and the beautiful grey skies all day?!?!?!?! ;p

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Some things about today:

School is so close to done that I can taste it. Well, this semester anyway. Thank. God. I am looking forward to a small break before my online classes. My final english presentation went superb. I got to work mega early and was able to run down to Crazy Mocha. FIRST PAYCHECK ON FRIDAY IN AWHILE- YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES. So many bills/responsibilities to be paid and I'm not even mad about it. It just feels good to know money will be in my account again. First time since my last day at the tattoo shop, November 15th- HOLY CANNOLI. welp, leaving work... time to get home, snuggle my man, and do my advent study for the day.

Saturday, November 29, 2014

Slow Saturdays at work.

The lab is fairly dead here on the weekend. So I'm enjoying a little moment to catch up on here and look up some random Advent ideas. Now that Thanksgiving has passed, I hop entirely on the Christmas train!!! I am hoping to get all our Christmas decorations up by Sunday or Monday. This Thanksgiving was so beautiful. Everyone seemed to have a great time, all the food came out delicious, and I stayed fairly prepared the days before so that the holiday wasn't entirely hectic. Harry even watched a Charlie Brown Thanksgiving with me and we passed out on the couch fairly early! my sweetheart. The roads were HORRIBLE the next day, though. Black ice everywhere. I was stuck in the same spot in traffic for about 40 minutes. Then today the roads were fine... but my head wasn't! I randomly woke up at 4am, tossed and turned and somehow managed to stuff my phone under my pillow, so I never heard my alarm at 5am. Ended up coming in 40mins late for work -_- Not to mention I had a lovely headache for some reason. Hopefully I'm still just exhausted from trying to adjust to my new life schedule, and I'm not catching Harry's germs. I plan on taking it easy tonight (no filming till next weekend with the holiday), probably just having a couch & movie date with Amber and Harry. Did anyone take part in the insanity better known as Black Friday? I truly have no desire to ever go... well, only if someone else drove. Because parking lots drive me CRAZY around this time of year! I couldn't help myself... I made two small purchases online AHHHH! Hahaha I'm horrible. Pay Pal credit is the worst thing that ever happened, I swear! I cut up all my other cards but I can't cut that up so it continuously taunts me. ANYHOOOOO, the shopping deals suckered me in for two things I've been eyeing up for awhile now- I got a sweatshirt that says "Jesus loves this hot mess" and a tee shirt that says "Proverbs 31 Wifey" ... they are gorgeoussss! I'm probably going to get one of the Wifey tees for Holly for Christmas. Or soon hahaha. The company is Be Still if any of you gals are interested. I am SO excited for tomorrow! This is what my FANTASTIC Sunday will be made up of: Morning/ Afternoon- church with grandma and then starting the She Reads Truth Advent workbook together! Mid-day- decorating the house and snuggling the hubby and fur babies. Night- pie night at the home group!!! Sundays are always my most spiritually reinvigorating day. I look forward to Sunday every single week. I get my Christian fulfillment, I get my family fulfillment, and I get my recovery fulfillment. Perfection. Well, I'm off to see if any specimens have come in and prepare for lunch. Hope yinz guys have a magnificent weekend!

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Pre-Thanksgiving catchup

Hello, internet! Tomorrow is the second big holiday of the end of the year, and i am EXCITED! Of course, some family drama was unfolded, but thankfully, has been resolved quickly. Or at least i hope. I am hopeful that one day that will not occur anymore, but i also know we always find a way to work around it. Anyhoo! SO excited to not have class this morning!! I didn't get to sleep in because of the aforementioned drama but at least i get to snuggle the fur babies  under blankets and watch tv before work. And then tonight- THE COOKING BEGINS!!!!!!! I just want that to get here, the cooking and family and the day off. Not to mention... TOMORROW IS ONE MONTH SOBER!!!! By the grace of God, i was able to realize the mistake i made with drinking again, although only with the guidance and help of my precious husband. I'm still trying to figure out where i can go to get my one month coin; i don't want to leave the family dinner early tomorrow but i also made plans with amber on friday so i can't go to baldwin now. We'll see.
I'll update later with the menu for tomorrow! :)

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Update time!

Oh, life. You always have a way of getting crazy and keeping me from posting blogs! ;p
So the newest job updates: I officially got hired by Allegheny General Hospital. My first day is Monday! Yikes! I'm excited and a ball of nerves all at the same time! Mostly nervous about parking and performing my job, since it's completely new to me. My background check took longer to come in than they had hoped, so my start date got pushed back two weeks. But all is how it is meant to be. I was able to stay on at the tattoo shop! But the time has come at last... Time to get the ball rolling on my career path!
Update on drinking: it turns out that i had to walk, WE had to walk, the path of learning by mistakes. We jumped right back to where we left off rather quickly. In my personal story, i immediately obsessed over the drink again; nothing else mattered. My workouts slipped away, i consumed only junk food, my time after work was spent with a drink in hand and/ or bar hopping. Thankfully, Harry had a moment of clarity and after a good, honest talk, we walked away from the bottle again. Thanksgiving, we will celebrate a month sober. What a blessing!!! I could tell we made the wromg choice by drinking again, but my alcoholism screamed louder. Thankfully, God spoke through my husband and we are returning to the light. I returned to the program of recovery i love so much and jumped right back in.
My latest spiritual journey is also on the up and up! While i've been struggling with taking on the title of Christian or not, i feel like my heart has finally settled on where it is meant to be. I finally feel ok to claim myself as a Christian. To reintroduce Christ into my heart. I know i can allow Him in and still choose to be current with my faith. I'm trying to grow in my church as well as with my family. Reading Brian "Head" Welch's autobiography truly helped me find peace with it all. Jumping into Lacey Sturm's book now about her journey out of depression to Christ!
Other updates: started filming for Jon's movie this past weekend! Everything has gone really well so far! We'll be filming weekends through the first week of December. I'm just glad we're done with the outdoor scenes, i'm sick from it!!! And i'm completely thrilled that it will be shown in a real theater... First time seeing my acting on a big screen!!! Also, this being my last week at the shop, Amber is doing a little tattoo for me on Friday.. Something harry wrote me, in his handwriting, right under my left chest... So it's close to my heart :) i'll post a photo after!

So thankful today. For all that life & God have to offer.

Saturday, October 11, 2014

The Adult Life

Yesterday I had a phone interview with a woman from Allegheny General Hospital. Oh- boy- nervousness. I had applied online for the part time position of night lab processor; a job i would seek with the degree i'm working hard to get. Now, i applied in august, so i was certain my lack of experience had hurt my chances. But lo and behold, i got an email monday to set up a phone interview! And friday morning, i knocked it out of the ball park! And i secured an in- person interview tuesday morning! My only concerns now: my tattoos will be a hinderance (don't worry, i plan on wearing long sleeves and potentially toying with foundation on my hands) and that the tattoo shop will want to find someone full time to make up for me not being able to cover 5 days, thus forcing me to get a second job somewhere. Not going to lie, blog readers, i managed to have a full 365 degree rotation of feelings on this in the matter of a day! hahaha. After i got off the phone, theemotions  flowed like this: i am going to NAIL this, the job is mine! - i'm floating on clouds - i better tell everyone - oh crap, my boss just pointed out that they've preferred only having one receptionist/ shop girl - oh crap i'm going to have to find a shitty second job - oh no, allegheny health network probably hates tattoos and piercings - i'm screwed - why even bother - maybe i should cancel my interview - fuxkfuxkfuxk - AND THEN... Today came. And i felt the anxiety slowly slip away. Because i found potential solutions to shine beyond my tattoos.  Because i realized that i could find a part time position close to home somewhere just to keep my end of the finances together until AGH could offer me a full time spot. And i breathed again.
Continually, i have to offer my patience, belief, and faith to God and the greater plan. Whatever is meant to happen will. I have set the ball in motion to get a big girl job; no matter what, something good will come out of this.

Not too much time left at work,  and then it's off to the memorial service for Arlene. I look forward to reminiscing about her. There will be a LOT of tears tonight though so i will be surely keeping my makeup SUPER minimal ha.

Saturday, October 4, 2014

Spiritual struggles and surviving the leap

I don't know about you guys... But i constantly find my heart doing crazy spins and circles trying t nail down what to call my spirituality. I see the rest of the world around me and i try to be just like it; i look for the label to call my spiritual sense, to call the Divine that i feel keeping me centered and pushing me forward. As a young teenager, i made the decision to be baptized in a christian church. That resonated with my heart and soul for some time, and it was good. My great grandmother and grandmother both had a deep commitment, and more importantly JOY, in the church, and i felt it. But through my years of growing and learning, i chose not to call myself a christian anymore. I found a deep connection to the earth, to the energy and positivity i could see, feel, but also believe in without proof. Fast forward to more recently: i began attending church with my grandma again while still working my program of sobriety. Many of the teachings in the recovery program were centered around christian philosophies; overall positive life enforcements. I felt the calling to go back to church. But my head started doing laps that my heart didn't require, and the lack of synchronicity pushed me to weird places again; do i have to call myself a christian again- do i want to? Is this where my soul is meant to hear its most important calling? So many questions!!!! And you know what- all the stress and questions i place myself under keep me from hearing my Divine calling, from hearing how i am meant to be a positive light in the world! The past few days, i felt disconnection in my spirituality. I found the peace i needed today while meditating. I cannot label myself. Because quite frankly, in all aspects of my life, i've never fit into labels or molds; i've always been a little all over the place ;p i do enjoy going to church with my grandma, and i plan on continuing to do that. But i do also still pray to the Goddess as well, and i enjoy my crystals and giving back to Gaia in rituals. I know that wherever i am, no matter the religion or lack thereof, my soul is always connected to the Divine; i am always doing my Creator's work- LOVE.
I pray today that you all feel connected to whatever Presence resonates with your heart, spirit, soul, mind.... If you judge yourself cruely, if you judge yourself about what you believe, imagine what others will do to you! Be strong- God is in and with you always!

Friday, September 26, 2014

Busy Beezy!

What a busy whirlwind life has been lately!! School is getting more in depth, family events all the time... I'm exhausted!
Our weekend away at the Summit Inn Resort was ahhhh-mazing. Nothing like quality alone time in a beautiful setting with old architecture and my man. Plus we dis better at the Gladiator Rock N Run 5k than last year, which makes me a happy girl. (Especially since my workout game has been off... Wayyyy off.)
Harry LOVED his anniversary gift, YAY! Nothing could be better than his reaction <3
This week has been crammed with hunting and visiting with Dad before he heads back to Alaska. Thankfully Harry got our first doe last night!! I love this time of year; knowing we have meat for awhile makes me not even want to touch te other garbage factory meat that everyone buys/ uses. I know we have something real, fresh, right in our home, literally from our backyard. God, and my husband (!), provide!!!!!
We have a surprise family bday dinner to attend tonight. And then finally some relax time tomorrow night after work. I'm ready for some lazy couch time!!! But by lazy i mean, after work nothing but relaxing at home haha. My ass is getting back into gear; about to start my first workout in a long time... As in almost 3 weeks!!! Yikes. I also have a lot of planning and crafting to do for our Halloween party/ cookout next month. I just need some quality home time right now, not laziness!!
Hope you all have a great weekend! Xox

Friday, September 19, 2014

Quick catch-up!

Long time no blog! Life has been busy and full of changes! College is going well; i have A's in 2 out of my 3 classes (we haven't had graded assignments in the 3rd yet). I just joined the team for the newspaper at school as well. Although I have to tell you, i can't remember the damn name of the paper ever. I should work on that ;p i'm pretty sure i'll be covering my first event next thursday!! So excited. Work is the usual, good and every week flies by. I'm taking a half day today; we're leaving for the secret weekend getaway i planned for our 1 year anniversary!!! And we have the Gladiator 5k Rock-N-Run tomorrow on our actual anniversary! (Side note: i will write more about this weekend after it occurs; can't have my #1 reader- hubby- getting any clues!!!) My dad is also visiting from Alaska for 2 weeks. Hopefully our dang schedules coordinate soon so we can get together. The plan is to show him our house next wednesday; i'm excited for him to see it, and to see my hunting gear! Archery season opens tomorrow, so we're getting all our gear in order! Harry took off work on monday so we can go out together between my classes :)
Another big change has occurred recently...
Now before I get into that, let me just say this universal truth: the only constant in life is change.
Harry and i attended our friends' wedding a week ago. It will beautiful, and they are such lovely people. The ceremony was short & sweet, and the reception began within an hour of us being there. We got to talking, as we watched everyone around us. Should we have a drink? Should we not? We had both been struggling with the idea lately of if it was possible to drink like a normal, responsible pair of adults. So we talked it out for awhile. We didn't jump right into it. One of the greatest things i gained in my 1.5 year of sobriety is the desire to be honest and try my best to communicate. Harry is my partner forever; we swore to God to always care for each other, and i married him because i truly believe we'll never be apart again. So to have this openness and communication, i couldn't be more grateful. I used to bury my feelings and thoughts but i progressively learn how to share them and seek to ALWAYS be honest-- ESPECIALLY with myself. Well, we did it. We had a few small cups of beer. We left my car parked at the venue to be safe ALTHOUGH we did not get drunk. Buzzed perhaps, but that would be expected after not drinking for so long. And that was it. No excessive bat hopping after, no partying till late hours, no hot mess express, secret shots, or anything like the past. We have had a few beers since that as well. I haven't had more than 2 or 3, and I take my time with them instead of guzzling them down. I have no plans of returning to the dim, sad bars we used to frequent. I DONT WANT TO DRINK TO GET DRUNK. That obsession truly was lifted from me by God. The Bible points out very distinctly that God does not desire for His children to be drunkards. And i want to honor my Father. I still want to be a vessel of love & light. I have left my program of recovery, but the women i got close with are STILL my best friends. I value their spirituality, their constant desire to be honest, the way they loved the REAL me and not the depressed, party version of me. They helped me open myself up and dig out all the wreckage. They will always be my sisters.
The change in my mind came because of just that: change. I could see that my perception of alcohol had changed. As was with my eating disorders, there was a LBM (light bulb moment). In the beginning of my journey to live, my LBM was that i could not take any alcohol in; it was burying me, and fast. I needed to be sober to clear my heart and head of things from the past, to grow into a woman, to be fully present for my wedding. But recently i had another LBM; that like my eating disorder, my perception of this thing changed; i don't want to drink to get drunk. I don't want to run from my beautiful life, i love myself (the most signifcant difference). So this new path has begun. So far, i think i am making clear choices. And if i'm mistaken, i know who to call, i know where to go. The rooms will ALWAYS be there for me if i need them. I'm just praying every day; God, YOUR will, not mine. I'm trusting His journey. I'm living a life through Him.

Well, i have to finish packing for the weekend. You loved have a beautiful day; enjoy this perfect fall weather! Enjoy yourselves. Enjoy God. Give thanks & love <3

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Trying to nab an A+ in life

Anything dealing with an English class, whether reading, writing, or creating discussion topics, I have ALWAYS excelled at. The women in my fanily are known to be proficient readers, and while I haven't been good at finishing the books I pick up lately, I do think my younger bookworm days assisted in this greatly. So today when I received my first writing assignment back graded, my heart did cartwheels. My professor made certain to write the grade on the second page, after all my typed out thoughts. 30/30; 100%. Along with a magnificent little note, which I shall not share verbatim so as not to boast. It was amazing though. Knowing that my abilities in reading and writing come naturally, I was drawn to the thought of becoming a writer for a great period of time. I often still fantasize about it and think of how perhaps it could be a profitable hobby or at the least, a hobby that joyfully occupies extra brain activity. For the most part, though, I value the idea of getting an education for and finding a sustainable career. Hence, applying to the Medical Laboratory Technician program. I think I could write on the side; just this blog for fun, an article here and there for an online submission, or (most recently discovered) working for the school newspaper. Above all, though, I must remember that I am going to have classes that DO NOT come naturally to me, which will require that extra time I am so diligently already giving away to writing. I don't want to get an A+ in one class and have the rest suffer because I'm flitting around all over the place. I'm trying to view my three courses as a whole unit right now; each one being a subdivision of that larger part. I don't want to fail, I want to succeed, and it takes more than one class to do that. At this moment, thankfully, I am doing well, if not better, in my classes. My nine year education hiatus did not stop my desire to be successful, to be the best, to make something of myself, and I think one of my biggest driving factors in school has always been: prove to myself I have what it takes. I'm reminding myself that I am human, though, so humility can keep me balanced.
What are you trying to succeed at? Is it part of a greater picture-- are you selling yourself short by only focusing on a small chunk of a bigger picture? Be the best you that you can be on a daily basis! Never stop surprising yourself!!!

Monday, September 8, 2014

Family time gone right.

First day of the week- woohooo!!! I LOVE Mondays. I'm sick, i know. ;p
I'm sitting in the cafeteria at school, reflecting on the beautiful day I shared with loved ones. Yep, coffee is in hand! (Bio lab on Monday mornings is the best class to start the week with; if we happen to finish the lab early, we are done with class. So i was out of bio by 9:30 today instead of 10:40- WIN!) Every year, there is a Carpenter picnic at Kennywood Park. It tends to fall on a Saturday so my work schedule has kept us from going, however, Harry is able to pick up 3 free tickets, as well as discounted tickets and free meal tickets. Schwing! The expiration date on our free tickets was winding down, so we went with my cousin Dawn Marie yesterday. What a freaking blast! Dawn and I have always connected; we genetically favor similar family traits, have sinilar attitudes & personalities, and are close in age. But another aspect of our closeness is that we have the same family ideals. When we were younger, our family was significantly closer; holidays, picnics, birthdays- everything was done together. But as we started to lose some of our beloved elders that instilled these traditions and values, our families started to separate. The biggest problem i see now is that each sub group (family member + spouse or significant other + children), has become so consumed by their own personal issues, most self created, that they tend to forget about the entirety of their family line. Thankfully Dawn Marie and i don't enjoy this at all and are trying our best to get people together more, or at the very least, with each other. And amidst all the family frustrations and sadness and separation, that is a big beam of light!!! Because despite certain events and times, i LOVED my childhood. Or to be specific, the time i spent with my family. Genuinely, deeply,  i love my family memories. And because we can't change the past, nothing will ever change that joy. What i CAN change, what i NEED to change, is my part in keeping my family together. Can i miraculously keep everyone tightly knit at all times and single handedly bind broken ties? Nah. Not a chance. But i can make a positive effort, no matter how big or small, when the chance arises. The Ninnesses, the Hoerrs, the Morgans, and the Hergenreders may never beat as one heart, but i can do my best to show them the love that is possible in a family; to inspire them to love more.
The more we continue on our journey of trying to conceive, the more i focus on family. I want to get some magic happening before baby hergy steps into this world!
What is one positive thing you can do for a family member today, or your family as a whole, to show them the love that is possible in our lives?

Saturday, September 6, 2014

Embracing everything today!!!

While working on the 6th step with my sponsee yesterday, i realized that i, myself, had been taking the wheel of my life far too often. ESPECIALLY recently. What i was reminded of was this: I am doing a disservice to God when I act like I'm in charge. I say "help!" But i still find it hard to say to God, "thanks Father, it's a good day; show me the way... Show me YOUR way!" When I found the strength and willingness to search and discover my human character defects, I made a commitment to God to let Him take them from me. Not all at once, not in the magical flash of a second, but in time. I agreed to be open with Him and allow Him to free me. When I try to take the reigns, whether on the best day of my life or the very worst, I am not letting my Creator in!! The only perfect thing in this world is God. The only way for me to even come close to living a perfect life is to live in a Godly way; "Thy will be done, not mine."
I am preparing my soul for the reinitiating of Christ. My time away from the church was bumpy, dark, and miserable. Coming back has been gradual, but so life giving. I am constantly growing closer to my faith because my spirituality is already so strong; it's the foundation. Today I had to choose to put God's will before my own... I had to defeat fear that has been lingering in me. You see, for so long I was afraid to admit I was Christian again.. Afraid that I would be judged by people. The reality is that I was judging myself. Perhaps for straying from the church, perhaps for years of speaking poorly of people who stood strong in their faith, more than likely all of the above. I have been consumed with the guilt of turning my back on Jesus. I have been trying to fit some sort of spiritual, faithful mold and when the stark clarity cane that I don't have to do that came, it hit me hard. The truth is I have been feeling great in church and the fear of saying, yes, Christianity feels right to me, was pushing me away from it. I'm giving that defect to God today. Here ya go, Father, take this guilt and shame. TAKE IT! But this time I mean it. I wore my cross to work today. SERIOUSLY PEOPLE, i thought about doing it all week and had anxiety about it. So silly. I can't say I'm in if I'm not, not anymore. My life has to be about positive action, or I will fall right back into my old ways. So, simple as that, I said yes to God today and wore a necklace. But the feeling of relief I have... You would've thought I just won a superstar marathon. The little things :)
Grateful to have the chance this evening to spend some time with my grandma in grateful praise. And I love that our church does fun things like a jazz service. How cool to find different ways to be thankful! And I love jazz!! Win, win.... Thanks, God, Your way is continually better than my own!

Friday, September 5, 2014

Reminder for today:

From She Reads Truth, current Bible study is Hosea:

Weekend vibes

So as i sit here snuggled up under a blanket, watching my weekly dose of Bev Hills 90210 (TVGN is replaying it from the BEGINNING, YESSSSS!), all i can think is.. Whyyyy must i leave to go to work today?! Why can't there be a BH90210 marathon all day?!
Then i remember that i just took my pre-workout, so my skin will be crawling in about 10 minutes and i'll be forced to leave Cozy Central to workout regardless ;p hahaha
I can tell it's Friday, and yet i have no clue where time has gone; the weekends are so strange to me! My body is beat and all i can think about is being on the couch. But i seriously have no idea how i'm already done with my classes for the week and how i only have one more day of work before my weekend. That is definitely one of the perks of my job; it flies by so fast.
We had issues with the power company weds night- thurs afternoon. Thank God our food didn't spoil!!! Utilities being monopolized is so horrendous. We have a lot of improving to do in our communities and country to benefit the overall population. What a sham some of these bills and companies are; corporate pockets shouldn't be more important than our basic human needs and rights!
Okayyyy rant over! I have a workout to crush! Happy weekend babes! I've got another full one. Step work with a sponsee tonight, jazz church service with Gram tomorrow night, church and Kennywood on Sunday!

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Whole hearted life.

What a journey life is! Continually i am amazed by the things that unfold. Let me tell you about my mood shift yesterday. For the past week or two i have been struggling with random thoughts of drinking. Nothing too intense, but nothing to be ignored. With the addition of school to my life, i have been neglecting my recovery life a bit, doing just the bare minimum. For me, that is not enough. Anyway, after my blog post yesterday, we had an excellent lunch with family. Baby snuggles and laughs and good times. But somewhere following our meal, something snapped in my head. I started arguing with myself as to whether or not my drinking could or could not truly be changed. I think the combination of lack of my program mixed with leftover menstrual hormones really made a horrible "cocktail," if you will! My mind kept racing to my eating disorders... "If i was able to change that, why can't i change how i drink?!" Something in my mind was focusing on the taste of booze and leaving out all the wretched things i did to my body, mind, soul, and others. Thankfully, God has given me my perfect balancer in life, my husband. Because the truth is, i couldn't even bring myself to call my sponsor or my We. I didn't want them to talk me out of my sick thoughts. But God has given me the one person i never want to withhold myself from.  To keep me alive. And i blurted out my anxieties to harry. Although he doesn't work a recovery program, he GETS it. He said things my We would have said. And because i only had the guts to talk to him, i needed the staunch truth. I am alcoholic; i have technically NEVER drank like a "normal" person. When i began drinking around 13, i may not have drank in excess, but i ALWAYS drank to run from myself. Always. That is all i have ever known, even before i was mentally aware of it. To think i can escape or change that is my disease trying to overcome me. Alcoholism is a sin that i don't want to fall to. I can take all of that in today without crumbling under it- yes, i have this disease; no, my life isn't over. Do i consider being a drunk a sin? Yes, but in and of that, i am blessed beyond words. Because when i put my alcoholism beside me, when i am able to be bigger and stronger than it, i am overcoming sin! What a feat that is!!!
Are you able to see the beauty in the painful things in your life today? That overcoming them with God and your loved ones brings a sense of joy that only the broken can know?
I'm rejoicing A LOT today. :)

Monday, September 1, 2014

Happy labor day!

What a way to start a week- with a holiday! Which means harry has off so i get an extra hubby day!!! We snuggled the fur babies and slept in, since i did not have class either. Just busting out the cardio to finish my workout and then we're off for some family time! I ADORE holidays. Because of their meaning but even moreso because anytime that can actually get set aside for fanily in this busy world is freeeeaking amazing to me! I want family time everyday but that obviously isn't possible.
How can you be there for your family this Labor Day?   We celebrate this day every year to look at the contributions laborers have made to our economic and social structure. So, celebrating this day of American strength, how can you apply that same dedication of strength and hard work to your family unit?
Sending the best! Xoxo

Sunday, August 31, 2014

Busy holiday weekend!

Such a busy yet relaxing weekend. Friday night i stayed in and studied. Legitimately fell asleep with my book in my lap ;p haha am i a grandma or a little kid?! Somewhere in between i guess, appropriate! Saturday's work day seemed so long. But i did a little shopping after and drove my sister home from work. By the time i made it home i was beat, but i squeezed a workout in anyway!!! Glad my strength pulled through! This beautiful rainy sunday included church, harry getting tattooed, and soon we are dashing off to eat with kitty & sue. See- all relaxing things, just several in one day, thus busy! I took a little cat nap; i can't decide if i want to sleep forever or run a marathon hahaha naps are so foreign to me, my body doesn't know how to respond to them.
Does anyone else struggle with rest? Whether it be getting proper sleep at night or being able to stop in the middle of a busy day and say- hey! I need rest!

Friday, August 29, 2014

Frustration Friday!!!!!

Oh boy. The weekend for some is a thrilling time; days off from work, enjoyable time out & about with loved ones, a fresh breath before the return to work. My weekends don't start until Sunday, so i miss some of the action. I'm not going to lie... I am not a big fan of fridays & saturdays. They can either be so obnoxiously slow at work that it feels like i'm dying or so clustered with random people and billions of phone calls and chaotic  personalities, that i am dreaming of ripping my eyeballs out.
Ahem, that latter scenario? Happening right now. >=|
This has been the work day from Hell. Too many attitudes. Too many people stopping to "visit." Too much everything. My spiritual side is really being tested today. I am far too excited to get the heck out of here, put sweatpants on, and study for my bio test. My ability to be around people today is obviously burned out and i need some peace of mind before i commit to dancing with any more egos!
Maybe it's Aunt Flow, maybe it's the busy day. All i know is ...... Praying and breathing deeply A LOT today!!!!

How do you guys relieve stress?

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

A new day, a new hope!

Wouldn't you know that not long after my last post, hubby harry returned home from work, and not much longer after that, WE WENT TO PICK UP MY CAR! Let me just preach our little peach's shop... If you're in the pittsburgh area, Ryan Grant's garage, Castle Shannon, my hero again!! All of my fears, all of my human insufficiencies.. Quickly tackled. Let me restate why i think my day did a complete turnaround; i prayed whole heartedly. No, i don't think God made a quick stop at Grant's garage, no i don't think Jesus was my mechanic. But yes, i did find strength in prayer, yes i was able to slowly come to a calmer state that allowed me to focus on how i could fix the situation, yes i realized there was hope. Often times i know that i would love to see big, wonder- filled miracles like the Bible describes. But i am humble in the fact that i hardly ever will. And i am honest in the fact that throughout very troubling times in my life, i feel like i HAVE seen big things happen.
Alright, i just had to get that out. ;)
Last night we had a popcorn date and watched the Emmy's. So cute. I'm beyond touched everyday by the love of my life. I cannot believe i got so lucky to have my perfect match pick me forever!!! Is it anniversary time yet?!?!?
Pumped to have a later class today, i'm finally going to check out the gym at school! This is my last week of 5 days on with 2 days of rest on the Jamie Eason Live Fit plan. Oiiii vey, almost time for the 6 days on!!! My cramps and bloating are trying to fight me on working out today but noooo way, sister, i'm calling the shots today!!! I am so glad it's not a chincy little gym and locker room. I'll have enough time to do legs, shower, and eat breakfast, all before english! Now that's what i'm talking about!!!

Off i go to pack my gym bag and 90k supplements ;p
Have a great day! Create the joy you seek!

Monday, August 25, 2014

A word on humility...

You know, looking through all my posts titles recently, i noticed how i focused on a lot of great things- "the good life" "so blessed" etc etc. But let's be real- life is a balancing act. Last night i had my first car "incident." I'm choosing to call it that over an accident because it makes more sense to me... Unless you have a screw lose, anything that negatively happens in a car is an accident, duh. Anyway, while driving to Donaldsons' Crossroads to get my sister from work, a combination of me trying to rush & get it over with quickly and having poor vision at night assisted in my incident; driving over the median on Rte. 19. My lovely little Saturn sits lower to the ground than most, and that coupled with my 30ish-mph going over it blew out my two front tires, as well as crumpled my rims. And that's simply what we know- hopefully when harry's friend goes over it in his garage, we don't get a more detailed list of items ruined. Either way, all i've been praying is HELP! (Reading a fantastic book called "Help, Thanks, Wow" ... Check it out!) I need God's help now more than ever; in understanding; in acceptance; in finding the solution rather than lingering in the problem. After crying a lot and talking to many people, i am finally calming down, at least some. I suppose my deals at Macy's today helped as well ;p
All in all, my experience was this- life is good all the time, and sometimes bad things happen. I just have to turn to other people know for added strength and support. Car "incidents" are in no way unusual. This was just my first, and therefore all the more scary. Thankfully i didn't get hurt, thankfully no one else was involved or hurt, thankfully monetary issues are all that we must deal with, thankfully God has kept me sober yet another day to keep even less troubles in my way. Do i stay in the negative, the problem, of my car that needs fixed, or do i pray, breathe, and find the solution? I must move into the latter at this point, for my sanity and for those around me that try to assist me. I urge you to do the same with every "incident" in your life... Big or small!!!
God will answer you, perhaps just not how you expect it. Did i magically fly over the median i couldn't see and avoid hitting it? Um.. No. But i do i have great family & friends that are helping me and DID I GET OUT OF CLASS EARLY TODAY?! You bet your sweet buns. :)

Saturday, August 23, 2014

The end

Ohhh end of the week, how i love you. Last day of work for the week, last day of workouts for the week. Sigh. Pure, exasperated bliss! Amber is coming over tonight for our weekly chick- flick hangout! Tonight's theme: ROBIN WILLIAMS. Yep. Gonna cry everywhere. I think Jumanji is a definite, because at least there are thrilling momenta to keep from thinking of robin. I don't know if we'll emotionally be able to handle more than one movie! Plus, let's face it, i'm ALWAYS asleep by 11:30 on the weekends. And that's my LATE bedtime ;p hahahaha

Mmmm already made a batch of kale chips so that they're ready to go!! I tossed the clean, ripped up leaves into walnut oil, garlic & onion powder, red pepper flakes, black pepper, and pink Himalayan salt. They're going to be divine!!! Plus it's the only way i can get harry to eat kale ;p keeping tonight's food healthy- normally i make chick night eat- whateva- the- heck- i- want night, but i did that in excess earlier in the week and have still been feeling belly aches since. Plus we have jordan's
bday party picnic tomorrow, so i might want to enjoy indulging then! Besides.... Something yummy/ healthy from applebee's + kale chips + dark chocolate covered frozen bananas + Graze popcorn = moooorrrreeee than satisfying!!! 

My breakfast sandwich today.... Omg... 
Pepperidge Farms' light oatmeal bread + egg whites + tilapia baked with spices + raw kale + sriracha .... I am still enjoying this and i ate it three hours ago. Happy post- workout belly!!!! 

And the treat i was looking forward to all week!!! Oh pumpkin coffee. Me love you long time. I try not to drink coffee often because 1) i get a little sugar- happy and 2) it hurts my belly A LOT in excess. I mixed my coffee with plain, powdered non-dairy creamer, 1tbsp sugar, and 1tbsp coconut sugar. It. Is. Perfect. I just want pumpkin everything. Going to have to stock up on some pureed pumpkin right about meow. Let the fall recipes begin! I'm over summer! 

Well, back to work i go. Still have a few more hours before my weekend begins!!! 

Friday, August 22, 2014

comfort food :)

Let me be honest- yesterday i was worn out to the point of insanity! It was definitely the type of day where even just a breathe made me want to cry and the person driving in front of me made me homocidal- regardless of how they were driving ;p so thankfully my hubby knows how to swoop in and fix it; my head that is! I cancelled my plans for the evening and asked harry if we could make someone else cook for us! A big bowl of pasta from Atria's hit the spot!!!! Sometimes i feel like i'm completely trapped in my head and it's impossible to see other people, other feelings, positivity, anything outside of the sick, nutty thoughts that race through my head and end up physically impairing me. I turn to my husband and family and recovery family in these times. Because they help me get out of me, return to the real world, and center my prayers. Last night, i knew i needed the reconnection to Harry. It was perfect. I could literally feel the weight of my unrealistic emotions lift off of me. We had a great night together, fell asleep at ease, and i woke up feeling so refreshed! I can reflect on things that happened this week and grow from them, rather than shrink at my perception of them. I know God gives me tests and lessons to rise above, not be defeated by.
That being said, last two days of work for the week, time to get 'em over with so i can enjoy my days off with family!!! Sunday is alllll family- church with gram, my nephew's birthday party, and my home group meeting. Nothing like a whole day with the people i love so so much!!!

On the last note; i have had two marvelous experiences with my age this week ;p hahahahaha
-In my english class yesterday, we worked in groups. We read two articles, picked main points out, etc. Naturally, i was leading the group- i WILL take the reign in an english class!!!! Anyway, one of the girls in the group asked how old i was because she felt like i didn't talk like a younger girl HAHA i mean, the way she worded it, i took it completely as a compliment. But i am for sure the oldest or one of about three older people in all my classes so far.
-And our hostess at Atria's? Why, yes, it was a girl i have known since she was an infant and used to babysit! Holy cow. Can we also talk about the fact that with her mother's indian heritage, she was GORGEOUS and looked older than me?! I felt old but looked 12. STORY OF MY LIFE.

It's ok though :)

Wednesday, August 20, 2014


Well, this week has shown me that my current life is going to give me several nights of sleeping like a baby! Up at 5, workout, class, work, dinner, sleep! Harry is more awake than i am at the end of the day- IMPOSSIBLE! I still haven't heard back from AGH. Not going to get upset, i know God has a plan for me. And it would have been night shift haha so maybe His plan is simply to take it easy on me?! Hahaha. I'm just happy to be moving forward; that's all that matters to me! Probably going to leave my weekend open for wildness... And by that i mean pumpkin coffee and bio homework!!!
Life is GOOD! Practice an attitude of gratitude EVERY day!!!

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Feeling on top of the world!

Well, i have to admit... My first class yesterday was filled with anxiety and then laughter and acceptance. The whole way to school and while i was sitting in the classroom before we started, i was almost sure i might puke! ;p i used the restroom and saw harry's lunchbox; his company is working on our lab! Hopefully they finish quickly because i want to get in there! But my anxiety left when my teacher started to get into our plans and goals. She is amaaaaazing! Smart, funny, and she swears like a sailor- perfect! I'm looking forward to bio. Unfortunately i did do a ridiculous amount of running around after class and harry and i took a mega power nap until about 7:30. So unusual for me! Thankfully we were both so beat that we still went to bed around our normal time.
Back to school tomorrow, my second bio of the week, followed by english thursday morning. I'm glad paych doesn't start until early september because FUCK are books expensive. Ridiculous. Oh well, i'll do whatever it takes to get to my career! I already applied to for Med Lab Tech in spring 2015. Oh man i hope that there are no complications!

Sunday, August 17, 2014

New, amazing things on the horizon!

This Sunday morning, i have so much to be grateful for!! Well, most days, but i can reflect on so much today! Darren is back from his tour in Qatar, safe and sound- THANK GOD! He got leave to come home so we spent some time with him and his girlfriend and family on friday night. I don't know what i would do without my cousin. Saturday we had our usual chick flick/ take-out night with amber :) i love that my hubby is so wonderful to spend time with and does the cutesy stuff with us! And today- so much on my mind! I am looking forward to church with my gram. The new pastor at her church is very powerful and moving! His sermon last sunday really called to me! I still want to check out the Hot Metal Faith community, but Harry isn't able to go to church with me today so we're waiting for that. After that i'll head to harry's hockey game and hopefully check out bubba's gourmet burger place!!! It doesn't get much fresher than having the butcher in the back of the restaurant!!! And we get to see the new baby, kaleb!!!! Hopefully soon we'll be able to have our own little bundle. Tomorrow is MONUMENTAL! My first day of college, ever, at 27 years old. You know, getting older doesn't make it any lessnerve racking! I'm just as nervous as i imagine a kid fresh out of high school is! Also, i should hopefully get word back about my applicatiom to AGH to do part time lab processing!!! My cousin Dawn put in a good word with her friend which would be amazing!!! They would probably even end up paying for most of my school. AMAZIIIING! Wow. So nuts that i could start school and hear back on a job related to my career goal in the same day! I could basically cry with joy! HAHA!
Plus, we are finally almost at the one month countdown to our one year anniversary. I don't know how you people keep presents a surprise, this shit is torture! After the anniversary i'm going back to my old ways of gifts whenever i get them hahahaha
Happy sunday! Hope you are all open to love & light today!

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

MIA blogger!

I have been so wrapped up in the trillions of things i create in my life that this blog has struggled! And i cannot lie- getting instagram back took me out of this virtual minimal sharing and put me back into social media spewing.
This is my promise to myself... To get back on my blog. Especially with school starting next month. I will need the escape!!!

Saturday, May 31, 2014

I must remember...

I must remember that time and life do not happen according to my plans. I must trust the Divine to care for me and give me what i NEED rather than what i WANT. As another feminine moment has arrived with the morning, i feel an odd combination of calm and devastation. When will we become parents? When will i put down my grandiose ideas and have that seed of life and love growing inside of me? I create these notions that set me up for heartache inflicted only by myself. The curious notion that somehow our first attempt at actually timing our sexual activity would manifest a child. The attempt to give harry some kind of wonderous news on father's day that he wasn't expecting. I am creating pitfalls for myself. I must find the balance between sending my intentions to become pregnant out into the Universe without over exaggerating what my body is capable of. I, in fact, am only still learning what my body can do. I am only beginning to grow the seed of the Goddess within myself to bloom; expecting to harvest another Soul is fairly egotistical. I am seeking patience, service, and guidance outside of myself. I think i need a day in the woods tomorrow to set my intentions and self love in Gaia so that i may truly find the peace i seek in my heart in this moment.

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Healthy & happy!

Life is such a blessing! God has been so gracious to me, and i'm seeing it in big & little things. Sitting on our porch opens my eyes to the beauty in my life. Nature and my family- all in the presence of God- what more could i need?!?! Well, nothing, but i receive more!!! I registered for 3 classes so far in the fall!!! Time to really push myself to grow. Nursing is something i should have considered a million years ago. I'm a little nervous, but mostly excited! I long to better myself and have a real career. I just keep thinking of how i want to pave the way for my future, for our future. When we're older and both able to retire, i'll be so grateful i worked hard now. I'm getting myself back on track with my exercising and food as well. I'm able to move past the road bumps now. I acknowledge them, i move on; i cannot give those moments any more time or energy than they already take. So on to bigger and better things- in everything in life! We grilled a bunch of meat yesterday, boom! Back in the food prep train! We have to go grocery shopping so veggies & rice are being made as needed, plus i prefer to have them fresh. And back to morning workouts and breakfast shakes!!! :)

Also, harry shaved his beard yesterday morning and the pens ended up losing... I'm blaming him entirely ;p hahahaha

Chicken marinated in a ginger dressing, grilled.

93% lean patties stuffed with a tiny piece of pepperjack for extra kick!

Dinner last night: edamame & 2 of my lean patties!

Yum!!! This morning's breakfast/ post-workout shake!

The last photo taken of the beard- Monday night at Primanti's before the Crosses show. RIP beard

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Quick catch up

Oh, life- so good to me! This weekend was jam packed- but fun!! On saturday, i came home to our precious new fur baby!!! I can't believe just how much harry loves me... Enough to get a cat. Plus he's a bigger softie than most guys, so he immediately fell in love with him.

We named him Church (like the cat in Pet Sematary- yes we're freaks). He and Jethro have a mutual happiness with each other's existence, but they're still working on being best brothers and actually spending more than 5 seconds together. 

That night, Amber dyed my hair. I finally gave in to the ombre craze. Beautiful vibrant red on top, blonde ends. I love it! Also, she claimed to be a non- cat person but fell in love with him immediately! 

Sunday was INSANE! But the day worked out and ended up being fun. I started the morning off going to church with my friend Darla. It was a neat church and service but i probably should've kept my morning free. Strictly for time and calmness. I ended up accidentally leaving my wallet there (they had a coffee bar- the bane of my existence). The service went a little longer than i expected, so i ended up asking my step mom to pick me up there so we could dash off to my brother's. Thank goodmess sheri grew up in baldwin and knew where the church was. It used to be the willock club but was converted to a church. Imagine that; always at a bar, even in sobriety ;p
Lunch was great, i love spending time with josh, amy, and the boys. Plus the ride to and from with sheri and grandma katie was hilarious!
Mmm you don't have to tell me twice to eat a burger with an egg and avocado+salsa!

And speaking went well. I'm looking forward to doing it again at the end of the month. I get such a good rush from doing it. Plus, above that, it touches my heart so much to talk to people after. The Pens played their first game in the second series of  the playoffs, so a bunch of us rushed back to my place to watch the rest of the game with hubby. Their win sealed the deal that it was a good day!!

Monday was a date day for us, for the most part. We dropped Sylvester off, so fingers crossed we get my car back by tomorrow at the latest. Harry fooled me again... We had planned on "going to Construction Junction" after we left the garage but what we REALLY did was go pick up a vanity in Lawrenceville! Such a dream boat. It's become blatantly apparent that my dressing room is officially the most important room in the house! Or at least the one that will be completed first. 
I love it!!!!! We just have to pick out some new handles since a few are broken or missing. The ones that are ok are neat but i can't have mismatched handles. And they're pretty but not on the level of must-find-matching-ones-or-i'll-die. For now, i'm using the stool amber gave me. I don't know what i want there long term. Now all i have left to do is paint the walls and build the ottoman with harry! I'll probably get a little area rug for under the ottoman but that won't happen until after we build it so that  i can make sure it doesn't overpower or underwhelm the rest  of the room. Oh man. One room being close to completion is so exciting!!! Only a bazillion more to go hahahaha. We did end up going to Construction Junction; got a million ideas! What an awesome place. It made me really happy to peek my head in at Free Ride too. I haven't been there in so long. We had lunch at Hakkaido- YUM! Kitty and Sue visited us for a bit. We set up the treadmill downstairs. So it was a productive day! We spent the evening celebrating Cinco de Dano~ in other words, a birthday party for Dan. I ended up eating sooo much, both a mix of healthy and crappy. I'm paying for it today, ugh. But it was fun. Seeing our friends that are family and watching the Pens dominate with a 2-0 shutout was great!! Plus, anytime i get baby snuggles, i'm a happy lady!!! 
So excited to finally get to hold little Tyler!! 

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Oh boy!!!

Well, i'm jumping im with both feet; i reserved my spot to take my placement test for school!!! Oh MAN i am nervous about math & science! Haha. I can crush english, no problem. Which of course basically means nothing in what i'm trying to do HAHAHA. Oh well. I'm committed!

I'm so excited to get my schooling going. I want to have a meaningful career SO BADLY! It means the world to have harry support me on this.  

I called and made our first mortgage payment today! Gah! It's so real now! Now that it hasn't been. I just love seeing us get our wonderful family & life together. I'm so grateful for my life, for our life together!

I totally went wild last night amd ate wings AND fries. Haha sheesh. But the rest of the day was full of good, healthy choices. So i'm not going to kick myself for it. Just moving on! I drank salt water today to get my system moving (ahem, a certain part of me moving- ew sorry not going to say more than that! Ha). And i made a delicious breakfast to get me going. I ran out of time to workout before work but i think i'll do a 20 min tabata workout later, just to get something in. 

Mmm nothing says delicious like cooking in coconut oil!!! My breakfast egg wrap! Spinach wrap, 4 egg whites cooked in coconut oil, kale & other greens, salsa, and chia seeds. YUM! And motivation to continue the healthy choices throughout the day!

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

A happy hump day

I love how fast weeks seem to fly by. For the most part, at least. In a way i hate that time escapes us so often. But most days are extremely joyful so i'm thankful for that! I had my meeting with the director of admissions at CCAC on monday. She was super friendly and spelled out everything pretty clearly. I still have to research a little more about the Mercy School of Nursing (since their email response was quite blunt and cold to look online for information- rude!). If i decide to take my basic courses at CCAC i could start june 30th! And then once my basic credits are fulfilled i could enroll for the nursing program. I will pretty mich have to have a 3.5 GPA or higher to have any shot of getting into either, so i'm going to be pretty buckled down and studying hard!!! I think i'm going to lean towards pediatrics but i still have tons of time to figure that out. Now i see why God hasn't given me a sponsee yet... I have some thigs to focus on in my own life! Speaking of which, i'm speaking sunday  and at the end of may... Thank goodness i went to macy's the other day and got a comfy pair of little strappy heels! Also, thank goodness the shoe gods were telling me not to splurge- i tried to get 3 pairs of wedge sandals to try on (michael kors, guess, and someone else ridic) and they didn't have ANY of the 3 in my size... Yep, i hear ya, no crazy spending right now! Tonight we're heading straight to Stage AE after i get off work. Let's hope i can stay awake hahaha. A friend from work gave us free boxseat tickets to see volbeat. Yay!!!! And tomorrow i have a meeting with the girls. Friday, amber is dying my hair. Somehow, my weeks are always full. It's nice but i think a calm week is in order after this weekend. I hope in a way these next few weeks fly by because i can't wait to get back to my church. This sunday i'm going to my brother & sister in laws church, next sunday to my grandma's (since it's mother's day), and then the following week... Finally back to mine. It's my favorite. Rev. Patterson that baptized me is still the senior minister there. Soooo awesome; what a wonderful man. Plus, Smithfield is probably the most beautiful church in Pgh. I'd say i'm biased but i really think it's true!!! So much history there.
Well, i have to finish getting ready for work. I have to make my rice & tuna for lunch- getting back on track! I ate Stonepepper's grille for lunch yesterday and felt like i was dying. Ugh. Made a big batch of master cleanse lemonade too. And slowly phasing meat out again. Hello happy healthy life!

Friday, April 25, 2014

Friday Fun!

Ohhhh how i cannot wait for this work day to fly by! I haven't had my hair colored since OUR WEDDING! Wow. And tonight that changes! Amber is coming after work- blonde & bright red highlites!!! Or whatever you'd want to call the red haha. I'm just thrilled! New season, new hair. Fantastic. I'll post photos of her work later. Ahhhh so excited! Okay, off to workout!

Tuesday, April 22, 2014


Doing something for Nature, especially on Earth Day, has always been special to me. Now i can't claim perfect attendance to every Earth Day, but as your typical flower child, i plead that Earth Day is everyday, and therefore am a regular participant.
On this particular day, I felt that giving back to Mother Earth and making our home beautiful could be coupled into one. My mum brought us tulips and hyacinths on Easter, so this morning I introduced them to our yard!
How appropriate that it is raining today. Life! Gaia is good!!!

How will you give back to our blessed Earth today?!


Mondays off!

Sundays and Mondays are my weekend. Since the holiday was packed and nutty, i tried to have a more relaxed and laid back monday. Harry and i did some work around the house, and he even toted me to a doctor appointment! What an angel. We played with the dog in our yard for a bit and then i hosted our usual women's step study. It was a particularly wilder night than usual, so i'm excited that we've decided to balance robust personalities by attending a meeting every other week instead. Forever trying to obtain that sweet, calm balance!! And of course, THE PENS WON GAME 3!!!! Playoff hockey is just so magical!!!
It's going to be a warm, rainy day- LOVE YOU, SPRING!!! Rain boots and shorts today- check!
Can't wait to get the day of work under my belt and come home to workout and relax! Happy Tuesday, yinz guys!

Jethro was exhausted after all our Easter guests left!

So much so that he was still pooped the next day!

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Happy Easter! Joyful Ostara!

So much to celebrate! What an amazing Easter this was. Church in the morning with my gram and mum was long overdue and wonderful. We had more than enough food, several laughs and hugs, and the best time i could ask for with hardly any stressed moments (one small food spill momentarily made me a touch nutty but that was it!).  And now i'm snuggling jethro before i head to my meeting, cupcakes homemade by my step mom and sister in hand! Harry is enjoying a little wind in his hair on his bike right now. All in all- such a blessed day!
I hope that everyone out there was able to enjoy this season of rebirth and growth with those that they love!

So proud of my bunny bread haha

A feast fit for a queen!

Aunt Sue & Kitty's adorable gluten free carrot cake!

Grandma and I taking a photo to send to my beloved cousin who is overseas in the Air Force right now :(

The only remains of my poor bunny!

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

April showers- yes; April snow- heck no!

I am more than okay with spring's expected rainfall. As one of the few fans of rain, i also take in to consideration that spring is a season of renewal and birth, which obviously requires rehydration. However... The snow flakes i saw en route to work and throughout the rest of the day... NOT OKAY! I decided to be a rebel and dress as if it were still warm out. I also got a new tattoo on monday and pants were just out of the question today! ;p

Amber killed it! Ali and I loved our matching sundae babies! 

It was so appropriate that one of yesterdays Man Repeller blogs was on YOLO dressing HAHAHA i have mastered the occasional days of dressing like a 5 year old and i'm TOTALLY okay with it.

It was nice to have a date night with hubby this evening as well. Nothing makes a cold, wet day like snuggling! Especially after we ran around in the cold unloading groceries. We finally got a Sam's membership today; i'm not sure why it took so long! Of course i was a goof and forgot to make a list of everything we needed to get for Easter brunch, but thankfully i remembered some. There's just something about grocery shopping that makes my heart happy, though, so i don't mind the extra grocery store trip! 

Tonights dinner: fresh tilapia & green beans, baked with spices. Mixed spring greens & zucchini salads, and fresh fruit water. So perfect! 

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Banquet fun

My husband... The only man i know that wakes me up EARLIER than usual on days off !! Hahaha. Last night we attended the 73rd annual AA Banquet. It was pretty wonderful. The food was mediocre and i drank more beverages than i ate food, but everything else was spot on. Four Points by Sheraton was a beautiful place and the speakers were wonderful, especially the AA lead. I love nights like that  where i get to share AA with Harry. It was of course also fun to get dressed up together and see good friends all dolled up as well. We didn't stay for the dancing and went to bed around midnight- seriously late for us!! Haha oh how things change the older i get. The smarter i get! And yet here i am awake by 7:15 haha. I need my full 8 hours, hubby is in trouble! Yesterday taught me a few things... That i have a program that brought me to God that I can always turn to; that my husband and i support each other through anything we can; that i have true, deep friendships that help my soul flourish; that the growth in the rest of my life is showing me that i need growth in my career life. So i'm going to pray on the next steps i need to take and God will show me what to do.. Hopefully soon because i'd like to have school for a career started or completed by the time i'm 30, and that only leaves me 3 years!  Today i'm focusing on gardening and  enjoying a lunch with my mother in law for her birthday- i'll start searching for classes tomorrow. One thing at a time!
Have a happy Sunday; follow your heart and it will lead you to God!

A shot of us from the Banquet... Oh cute Hergy's!

Friday, April 11, 2014


I am, of course, a creature of habit. I always have been, and it might be safe to say that i always will be. However, an important task i had to take on was turning my routines and habits into POSITIVE ones, rather than the negative ones i had become trapped in. To overcome my eating disorders, one thing i try to practice is maintaining a regular workout plan throughout the week. This STILL is the most beneficial routine i have replaced my unhealthy eating- and lack thereof- habits with. The endorphine release, the pride, and the actual visual transformation help keep my hectic mind in line with my soul and life ambition, as opposed to when my disorders try to force my into patterns that are- putting it nicely- soft suicide. Now that we are mostly settled in our home, i am back on a regime. I've been working out regularly, and in turn, i make wise, healthy food choices. As i continue to conquer my alcoholism, i maintain regular, whole hearted connection with my Higher Power. To back this necessity to my life, hubby and i even make sure to pray before we eat dinner. Or at least on the nights when we can actually sit at the table and have dinner together. By including my partner in life in this bond with God, it is becoming a healthy backbone in our home, which in turn makes it an even stronger habit in my life.
At the end of the day, i think routines and habits can be good- if you allow them to be. If what you do on a regular basis is soul- soothing, that is what your life will be.

Happy Friday!

Taking a little break from skullcrushers!

I replenished my Fiona collection; it motivated me through my arm & ab workout!

The Hergy dumbbell life! 

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Closing a door

As i sit in our first living space together, i feel it is important to reflect on all the good- and bad- times that were shared here. In part, because the damn carpet cleaners are taking forever. But also because as excited as i am to turn in our apartment keys today and close this chapter, it was OUR first place together. The location was probably the best thing on a strictly material level. That and the pool. The setup itself is rather blah and shows signs of minimal updating since its 1970- something inception. But on the deeper side of this dwelling... This is the first place harry and i returned to on a daily basis together. This is where we built our one on one partnership. Amidst all the turbulance of our first months, with outside forces trying to keep us apart and my rocky battle with alcoholism and a list of disorders, this is where we knew we could make it through anything. This is where i knew i found my soul mate; where i snuggled up close to the only man i ever want to kiss again.
So the gratitude certainly overpowers the lack of updates, cramped space, and overpriced rent rates. While i am not upset about leaving the apartment, i'll always remember how it was a nest for my eternal love. I'll remember getting ready for my wedding day in our living room- dining room space. The nights of early sobriety where i thought for sure that i was going to cave but turned to my sponsor a few doors away. So much love in these tiny, white walls!!!
Goodbye, Squires Manor!

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Finding peace in life

Today is just the most perfect day... I woke up earlier than i anticipated, thanks to jethro needing to be let out. But i managed to stay awake and THANK GOD! I got so much accomplished this morning and that is seriously the best feeling ever! My menu for Easter has come together, i got a workout in, i called the elections office to figure out the problem with my new voter card, caught up on tv shoes, and actually had time to do my hair and makeup! Whew. Nothing compares to a good start to a day. Seriously. All around this is going to be a great day! After work, i'm meeting some girlfriends at a meeting to support our friend who is speaking. Oh wednesdays, you're the best!!!

Ohhhhh how i cannot wait to have our first holiday lunch at our home!!!

Even though i'm stopping at starbucks before work... This is a divine treat!

Good hair days = good days in general! 

Thursday, April 3, 2014

The good life

On this perfect rainy day, all i can think about is cozying up at my beloved home. Sigh, too bad that won't be happening for a few hours. I'm still at work and have a step study at my sponsor's after  but all i can think about is shopping for rain boots!! Definitely going to have to pick up a pair tomorrow morning.

Some highlites in the Hergy Life as of late:

My beautiful closet; not yet complete but definitely so magnificent already. I've never had anything like this!!

Just Jethro stealing the bed after we woke up ;)

Last night's cook out with our babely brother & sister duo, the Michaelsons. Homemade venison burgers, fresh buns, grilled zucchini, and additive/ nitrate free all- beef hot dogs!

Monday, March 31, 2014

Weekend in review

What a fun weekend we had! Friday night we grilled with our good friends katrina and bob. Tons of veggies and yummy kabobs! I love cooking for them because they're vegan an it gives me the opportunity to make more veggie based meals. Saturday we went to an estate sale. We found an antique desk that needs a little love, but it will be so awesome to display our oddities and collectibles. After work, i went out to support my sponsor, she's incredible! After a few of us grabbed a bite to eat, i showed off our new home. So in love with it! And the most romantic husband of all time showed me his project for the day- trying to learn a Fleetwood Mac song on his guitar for me. I cannot adore him enough, i swear! And sunday he completely got me... He told me we were going to help his friend pick up some hunting gear he bought but... Really we were picking up a big piece of equipment for our home gym!!!!! Little did i know, he had gone out to another estate sale while i was at work on saturday and bought it. He's so thoughtful. I'm so excited to really have the gym comig together. Now all i need is the dressing room to be fixed up and everything will be perfect!
Now off to get some bloodwork and things for harry and then cleaning at the apartment. I'm looking forward to getting rid of those keys and that obligation to that tiny little place! It was wonderful for us in the beginning but we simply outgrew it. Now we have plenty of room for our lives, the dog, and hopefully babies soon!
Happy Monday!

Beet, celery, and carrot juice! Not the sweetest, but an excellent combo.

Just need to pick up our treadmill! It's coming along so perfectly!!!