I must remember...

I must remember that time and life do not happen according to my plans. I must trust the Divine to care for me and give me what i NEED rather than what i WANT. As another feminine moment has arrived with the morning, i feel an odd combination of calm and devastation. When will we become parents? When will i put down my grandiose ideas and have that seed of life and love growing inside of me? I create these notions that set me up for heartache inflicted only by myself. The curious notion that somehow our first attempt at actually timing our sexual activity would manifest a child. The attempt to give harry some kind of wonderous news on father's day that he wasn't expecting. I am creating pitfalls for myself. I must find the balance between sending my intentions to become pregnant out into the Universe without over exaggerating what my body is capable of. I, in fact, am only still learning what my body can do. I am only beginning to grow the seed of the Goddess within myself to bloom; expecting to harvest another Soul is fairly egotistical. I am seeking patience, service, and guidance outside of myself. I think i need a day in the woods tomorrow to set my intentions and self love in Gaia so that i may truly find the peace i seek in my heart in this moment.