Saturday, October 11, 2014

The Adult Life

Yesterday I had a phone interview with a woman from Allegheny General Hospital. Oh- boy- nervousness. I had applied online for the part time position of night lab processor; a job i would seek with the degree i'm working hard to get. Now, i applied in august, so i was certain my lack of experience had hurt my chances. But lo and behold, i got an email monday to set up a phone interview! And friday morning, i knocked it out of the ball park! And i secured an in- person interview tuesday morning! My only concerns now: my tattoos will be a hinderance (don't worry, i plan on wearing long sleeves and potentially toying with foundation on my hands) and that the tattoo shop will want to find someone full time to make up for me not being able to cover 5 days, thus forcing me to get a second job somewhere. Not going to lie, blog readers, i managed to have a full 365 degree rotation of feelings on this in the matter of a day! hahaha. After i got off the phone, theemotions  flowed like this: i am going to NAIL this, the job is mine! - i'm floating on clouds - i better tell everyone - oh crap, my boss just pointed out that they've preferred only having one receptionist/ shop girl - oh crap i'm going to have to find a shitty second job - oh no, allegheny health network probably hates tattoos and piercings - i'm screwed - why even bother - maybe i should cancel my interview - fuxkfuxkfuxk - AND THEN... Today came. And i felt the anxiety slowly slip away. Because i found potential solutions to shine beyond my tattoos.  Because i realized that i could find a part time position close to home somewhere just to keep my end of the finances together until AGH could offer me a full time spot. And i breathed again.
Continually, i have to offer my patience, belief, and faith to God and the greater plan. Whatever is meant to happen will. I have set the ball in motion to get a big girl job; no matter what, something good will come out of this.

Not too much time left at work,  and then it's off to the memorial service for Arlene. I look forward to reminiscing about her. There will be a LOT of tears tonight though so i will be surely keeping my makeup SUPER minimal ha.

Saturday, October 4, 2014

Spiritual struggles and surviving the leap

I don't know about you guys... But i constantly find my heart doing crazy spins and circles trying t nail down what to call my spirituality. I see the rest of the world around me and i try to be just like it; i look for the label to call my spiritual sense, to call the Divine that i feel keeping me centered and pushing me forward. As a young teenager, i made the decision to be baptized in a christian church. That resonated with my heart and soul for some time, and it was good. My great grandmother and grandmother both had a deep commitment, and more importantly JOY, in the church, and i felt it. But through my years of growing and learning, i chose not to call myself a christian anymore. I found a deep connection to the earth, to the energy and positivity i could see, feel, but also believe in without proof. Fast forward to more recently: i began attending church with my grandma again while still working my program of sobriety. Many of the teachings in the recovery program were centered around christian philosophies; overall positive life enforcements. I felt the calling to go back to church. But my head started doing laps that my heart didn't require, and the lack of synchronicity pushed me to weird places again; do i have to call myself a christian again- do i want to? Is this where my soul is meant to hear its most important calling? So many questions!!!! And you know what- all the stress and questions i place myself under keep me from hearing my Divine calling, from hearing how i am meant to be a positive light in the world! The past few days, i felt disconnection in my spirituality. I found the peace i needed today while meditating. I cannot label myself. Because quite frankly, in all aspects of my life, i've never fit into labels or molds; i've always been a little all over the place ;p i do enjoy going to church with my grandma, and i plan on continuing to do that. But i do also still pray to the Goddess as well, and i enjoy my crystals and giving back to Gaia in rituals. I know that wherever i am, no matter the religion or lack thereof, my soul is always connected to the Divine; i am always doing my Creator's work- LOVE.
I pray today that you all feel connected to whatever Presence resonates with your heart, spirit, soul, mind.... If you judge yourself cruely, if you judge yourself about what you believe, imagine what others will do to you! Be strong- God is in and with you always!