Friday, September 19, 2014

Quick catch-up!

Long time no blog! Life has been busy and full of changes! College is going well; i have A's in 2 out of my 3 classes (we haven't had graded assignments in the 3rd yet). I just joined the team for the newspaper at school as well. Although I have to tell you, i can't remember the damn name of the paper ever. I should work on that ;p i'm pretty sure i'll be covering my first event next thursday!! So excited. Work is the usual, good and every week flies by. I'm taking a half day today; we're leaving for the secret weekend getaway i planned for our 1 year anniversary!!! And we have the Gladiator 5k Rock-N-Run tomorrow on our actual anniversary! (Side note: i will write more about this weekend after it occurs; can't have my #1 reader- hubby- getting any clues!!!) My dad is also visiting from Alaska for 2 weeks. Hopefully our dang schedules coordinate soon so we can get together. The plan is to show him our house next wednesday; i'm excited for him to see it, and to see my hunting gear! Archery season opens tomorrow, so we're getting all our gear in order! Harry took off work on monday so we can go out together between my classes :)
Another big change has occurred recently...
Now before I get into that, let me just say this universal truth: the only constant in life is change.
Harry and i attended our friends' wedding a week ago. It will beautiful, and they are such lovely people. The ceremony was short & sweet, and the reception began within an hour of us being there. We got to talking, as we watched everyone around us. Should we have a drink? Should we not? We had both been struggling with the idea lately of if it was possible to drink like a normal, responsible pair of adults. So we talked it out for awhile. We didn't jump right into it. One of the greatest things i gained in my 1.5 year of sobriety is the desire to be honest and try my best to communicate. Harry is my partner forever; we swore to God to always care for each other, and i married him because i truly believe we'll never be apart again. So to have this openness and communication, i couldn't be more grateful. I used to bury my feelings and thoughts but i progressively learn how to share them and seek to ALWAYS be honest-- ESPECIALLY with myself. Well, we did it. We had a few small cups of beer. We left my car parked at the venue to be safe ALTHOUGH we did not get drunk. Buzzed perhaps, but that would be expected after not drinking for so long. And that was it. No excessive bat hopping after, no partying till late hours, no hot mess express, secret shots, or anything like the past. We have had a few beers since that as well. I haven't had more than 2 or 3, and I take my time with them instead of guzzling them down. I have no plans of returning to the dim, sad bars we used to frequent. I DONT WANT TO DRINK TO GET DRUNK. That obsession truly was lifted from me by God. The Bible points out very distinctly that God does not desire for His children to be drunkards. And i want to honor my Father. I still want to be a vessel of love & light. I have left my program of recovery, but the women i got close with are STILL my best friends. I value their spirituality, their constant desire to be honest, the way they loved the REAL me and not the depressed, party version of me. They helped me open myself up and dig out all the wreckage. They will always be my sisters.
The change in my mind came because of just that: change. I could see that my perception of alcohol had changed. As was with my eating disorders, there was a LBM (light bulb moment). In the beginning of my journey to live, my LBM was that i could not take any alcohol in; it was burying me, and fast. I needed to be sober to clear my heart and head of things from the past, to grow into a woman, to be fully present for my wedding. But recently i had another LBM; that like my eating disorder, my perception of this thing changed; i don't want to drink to get drunk. I don't want to run from my beautiful life, i love myself (the most signifcant difference). So this new path has begun. So far, i think i am making clear choices. And if i'm mistaken, i know who to call, i know where to go. The rooms will ALWAYS be there for me if i need them. I'm just praying every day; God, YOUR will, not mine. I'm trusting His journey. I'm living a life through Him.

Well, i have to finish packing for the weekend. You loved have a beautiful day; enjoy this perfect fall weather! Enjoy yourselves. Enjoy God. Give thanks & love <3

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