Tuesday, July 5, 2016

Continually sewing old oats in new ways

Nearing 30 has done many positive things for me. I feel a lot more centered, i feel like i have my purpose a little more clarified, i'm more involved with my family life than my social life. But i also still feel like i'm hurdling forward awkwardly, without direction. I put my faith in God because i HAVE to; it's impossible to get through a day thinking i'm the final decision maker. So i say: what is bothering me, what is in my power to change, what action must be taken to remedy the problem? ••• i've been so incredibly blessed to have such supportive people around me. Upon thinking of how much i need more time With my loved ones, i researched my options- 1) work in a restaurant setting part-time during the week, 2) go back to the sewing factory and work mon-fri. I didn't even think to ask my current boss if we could adjust my schedule; i just planned on moving along. That was particularly diffcult for me to swallow, however. I realized that i really DO love where i work, the people i get to share my time with, the atmosphere. Leaving suddenly became too hard to deal with, so when i broke the news to my boss, i said i "may" take another job. The suggestion shook throughout everyone, and to my surprise, i felt wanted. The idea to stay and find a helper for Saturdays came and without a second guess, i knew: this is how it all works out right, this is my silver lining. What seems like a lifetime of half-lived years given to companies that barely thought twice about me- or small family places that were marvelous but couldn't stay afloat. This is how i get to have it all; well, almost all. [[Our continued struggle to have a Baby Hergy breaks my heart a little each month, but i am swearing off my sadness and striving for hopeful patience.]] By the late summer/ fall, i will work 4 days a week in my beloved tattoo shop. I will make sure my dear friends and their clients are cared for. But come the weekend, my heart will be poured over my family and friends. 3 whole days to disperse my attention with faces, places, and cleaning. I can barely stand knowing hunting weekend trips will be something in our reality!!! ••• This is how i get to Have extra time to focus on my dreams of guiding women's recovery with eating disorders with faith and fitness. This is i get to find REAL balance in life. ••• This is how i get back into my newly redone art room and sew and paint and have that creative outlet again. ••• This is how a block finally lifted and i knew exactly how to process thoughts and what to name a project i've been hoping to write for awhile. ••• Please know, you always have a say in your life. Speak up, while you have the chance.

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