Sunday, January 4, 2015

Ready & willing

I tend to feel motivated in my life as a whole. That is to say, when i'm on- i'm on! And when i'm gone- oh brother. Returning to my sober lifestyle has brought along the wave of gratitude and dedication that i've needed in all aspects of my life. God has blessed me with the ability to have an open and honest communication level with my husband, so when he bought us gym memberships because my lack of self confidence was so lacking, i knew it was a sign. "Hey, kid, you're working hard to do right again... Do it for yourself, too." And so my exercising has come back around, which in turn prompted my eating to right itself, which leads to an overall boost- in confidence and actual happiness. I'm on. So now i'm chasing this different desire. How do i KEEP this positive flow, this dedication to goodness for myself and others? I don't want to have to mend myself and my relationships and my attitudes every few months or years- i want it longterm. And the only answer i can see is: do the work. Be honest to others so i can be honest with myself and keep moving forward rather than falling back on excuses. I'm trying to get my career goals in line, making recent modifications to previous goals. I'm trying to get my family values and goals in line, trying to a good wife and life partner. I'm getting my food thoughts in line, relying more on science and less on the voice in my head that tries to lure me back to my eating disorders. And i have my fitness goals back on track- because it brings me self empowerment and joy. Transforming from the past of wanting to have nothing but bones and skin to wanting to build muscle and be athletically fit is a BIG DEAL to me. So i try to nurture this feeling when it is here, planning workouts and setting goals, because i don't want it to leave. Well, the time has come to try to make these things life long and not just temporary. Revisiting my 3rd step in my recovery is helping me tremendously to grow. Seriously, it's moving mountains in my heart. Before I go, I'll share the 3rd step prayer. Because whether you're recovering from addiction or just living today as a human, this prayer is magnificent for all of us. "God, I offer myself to Thee- To build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!" Happy living (not just existing), friends.

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