Continually sewing old oats in new ways

Nearing 30 has done many positive things for me. I feel a lot more centered, i feel like i have my purpose a little more clarified, i'm more involved with my family life than my social life. But i also still feel like i'm hurdling forward awkwardly, without direction. I put my faith in God because i HAVE to; it's impossible to get through a day thinking i'm the final decision maker. So i say: what is bothering me, what is in my power to change, what action must be taken to remedy the problem? ••• i've been so incredibly blessed to have such supportive people around me. Upon thinking of how much i need more time With my loved ones, i researched my options- 1) work in a restaurant setting part-time during the week, 2) go back to the sewing factory and work mon-fri. I didn't even think to ask my current boss if we could adjust my schedule; i just planned on moving along. That was particularly diffcult for me to swallow, however. I realized that i really DO love where i work, the people i get to share my time with, the atmosphere. Leaving suddenly became too hard to deal with, so when i broke the news to my boss, i said i "may" take another job. The suggestion shook throughout everyone, and to my surprise, i felt wanted. The idea to stay and find a helper for Saturdays came and without a second guess, i knew: this is how it all works out right, this is my silver lining. What seems like a lifetime of half-lived years given to companies that barely thought twice about me- or small family places that were marvelous but couldn't stay afloat. This is how i get to have it all; well, almost all. [[Our continued struggle to have a Baby Hergy breaks my heart a little each month, but i am swearing off my sadness and striving for hopeful patience.]] By the late summer/ fall, i will work 4 days a week in my beloved tattoo shop. I will make sure my dear friends and their clients are cared for. But come the weekend, my heart will be poured over my family and friends. 3 whole days to disperse my attention with faces, places, and cleaning. I can barely stand knowing hunting weekend trips will be something in our reality!!! ••• This is how i get to Have extra time to focus on my dreams of guiding women's recovery with eating disorders with faith and fitness. This is i get to find REAL balance in life. ••• This is how i get back into my newly redone art room and sew and paint and have that creative outlet again. ••• This is how a block finally lifted and i knew exactly how to process thoughts and what to name a project i've been hoping to write for awhile. ••• Please know, you always have a say in your life. Speak up, while you have the chance.

Owning Your Story :: Attracting Your Tribe

Writing a blog, seeking hopeful new friends to connect with, trying to put my name/ my brand out there for my fitness business--- these things have me constantly contemplating who i am// what my journey can be described as. In doing that, i have realized that what that truly means is being okay to tell my story. It means accepting my past and my current and sharing it with others in a shameless way. Here's the deal; when i make people aware of who i am, my tribe, my people, are attracted to me. And the wonderful people who may share a different life path or not care for what I have to say slowly trickle out. But that's okay. I need to make myself and my few moments of spare time open only for those who are a part of my tribe. WHAT IS ALL THIS TALK OF A TRIBE, you may ask? The most common definition of the noun "tribe" is: any aggregate of people united by ties of descent from a common ancestor, community of customs and traditions, adherence to the same leaders, etc. So, when you hear people talking about finding and attracting their tribe these days, they are trying to find the people they can walk in this life with that will understand them, uplift them, be there for them. I want to find like-minded people that seek growth in their lives, the people who were once broken but now recovering- from whatever life ailment they may have. My personal story speaks of certain recovery, so I share my own tales to especially draw my fellow tribe members in. I want to be around the girls and guys who know that fitness doesn't just have to be in vain or to splurge on a cheeseburger or an excuse to buy new LuLu Lemon outfits. I NEED my tribe to back me and be with me, stretch for lift, when I try to help people change mentally through a seemingly physical process. To recover together, to heal together, to celebrate growing into the people we are meant to be together. /// The thing about surrounding yourself with the people that understand you is that you'll be nurtured when you don't expect it and thrown tough love when you think you don't need it. And you'll take it all in; these are the people who tiptoe in the same footsteps as you. Look at your circle of friends now-- are you manipulating each other or extending hands to one another? Are you having deep conversations or focusing solely on moments from Us Weekly? Do they know your blood relatives names or do they only know the confines of the hangout you are in? It is possible that you have NEVER been surrounded by your real tribe. This could be due to seeking improper things in people; often, we as human beings seek validation from others. Because of this, we latch on to people for their pleasing words more than their personalities. Or perhaps you have that one perfect friend but limit yourself to the potential for how many confidantes you could cherish. /// FINDING YOUR TRIBE~~~ This first requires you being open and honest with yourself. Who are you now? What are your dreams for the future? What do you need to improve upon to achieve those? What bad habits, thoughts, and people do you need to release to move forward towards your destiny? Once your self improvement has started, you will already be in the first stages of finding your tribe. Just by being yourself, you will attract your peoples. And because life is a continuing journey of change, it is entirely logical and possible that people will come and go in this time- throughout the whole of our lives. Be yourself- share it honestly- attract people that dig what you put out into the world. It is so simple that it seems difficult. Social media doesn't have to be a horrendous platform for self gratification and nagging. It can be an endless meeting ground for your tribe! Share positivity, share your hard days with a solution in hand, share the beautiful person that you are. We are not made to be pleasing to every single human; it is essential that we stay true to who we are while seeking progress in our daily existence. So here's your homework-- write down a few things about WHO YOU ARE. What do you like? What causes are you involved in? What's your home life like? Now write down WHO YOU WANT TO BE. What are your career goals? How do you want to help people? Look at these options and share the truths. Everyone needs work; anyone that says they're perfect is either delusional or a liar. So bravely be you in a world that falsely proclaims flawlessness and know that you are beautiful, no matter where you are in your journey.

FEATURE #1 FROM MY FUTURE BOOK!!

Hey friends! To keep myself on my targeted deadlines, and to present a little taste of what will be coming from my book, I have decided to share a piece twice a week with you throughout May! The basis of my book is founded in being happy and whole; targeting the three aspects of daily life that I have found brought me genuine happiness! Without a doubt in my mind or heart, I feel that it is essential to nurture your physical, mental, and spiritual health daily, in order to prosper and truly make the most out of each day. I hope that you enjoy these little shares, and I look forward to presenting and sharing the completed works with you soon! With love, Leeana Today's excerpt- Focusing on spiritual health: SPIRITUAL WORKOUT: Revelation 21:4 “ 'He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” We are quick to see, and remember, the beauty of life as we are in the throes of it; picnics and swimming in the summer, family holidays, winter sports and snowmen, career advances, that first kiss. But as humans, we tend to shy away from keeping the dark times in near thought; broken hearts, the passing of people we love, failing at endeavors. Just as soon as we emerge from a seemingly bad moment or phase in our lives, we want to run and hide from it. What if we were able to keep both the dark and light in our life in equal rank? It's the hard times that make us want to grow; without starting at a bottom, what room would there be to prosper and rise? In this Revelation passage, we are reminded that we have a forever home with our Creator. No matter what we face in life, good or bad, we have a never-ending future of peace, even after we leave the physical realm of Earth. Each struggle and challenge we are dealt is a chance to grow as a person, for ourselves and for others. If we succumb to even the smallest of hard times, we allow the possibility of acting as victims, keeping us from the true joys that we may have not been graced with yet. Life must have balance; we cannot appreciate the good fully without the stark difference of the bad. Cherish ALL the things that come about in your daily existence, as they serve a purpose in one way or another! Today's meditation: I am capable of working through the hard times in life. I will breathe through this process, accept the negative and turn it into a positive, and not play a victim. I welcome both good and bad happenings, for I know each have their place in the greater scheme of my life.

The seasons of our lives

Most days I am grateful that our lives have ebbs and flows that point us in new directions. But other times, like earlier this morning, it's hard to bear the truth that our relationships with people will come and go. That they will change from a vast intensity to a minor "like" on the internet. I see this happen when one of us happen to move, when one of us change an aspect of our life as we breach adulthood, when one of us change our sexual or life-partner relationships. I have felt this change of tide many times before, as is to be expected, and I know it will happen several times just yet. But that doesn't change the feeling that comes with it. A sense of being pushed away, a sense of mourning over what was. How many photos of friends together and you divided before you can't help but feel the human pangs of loneliness? Yes, these are the feelings and moments and thoughts that troubled me earlier. But then I was reminded that- this happens often, I have probably made others feel this same way, and everything happens for a reason. Here I am lamenting over spending time with people when I need to devote my time to working on my book, studying, and building my independent business. Here is the extra time I actually need, being handed to me by formerly close friends now living their night lives with others. And truth be told, I only appreciate a nice late night once or twice a week. I'm quite fond of my 10pm turn ins with my husband. I like giving my body the peace it needs to recharge. After all, that is what I'm chasing with my career, isn't it?! To be a pillar of health and wellness, to give it to others. Sleep is part of that equation. So, I started this day troubled. But with a little reflection, I realized I am exactly where I need to be for my goals, and they are exactly where they need to be in their lives, or at least where they choose to be at the moment. I have to push for ME, for my FAMILY, that is what is first in my life. Because friendships arrive boisterously in our timeline as needed, and then stay or dilute as the need wains. This evening, I get to share my time with my family, and I couldn't ask for anything more. XO

Finding balance

When we tackle the things in life that helped lead us to our calling, it's important to keep balance in mind. Right now, as I often do, I'm dealing with the trouble of trying to make a schedule for myself to keep my life in balance. I have to balance my family, my friends, work, growing, As well as achieving the things I need to that will support my future career goals. Amidst that, I have to balance my as well as achieving the things I need to that will support my future career goals. Amidst that, I have to maintain my health and fitness own personal own personal health and fitness routine and goals. Sometimes I do much better at different tasks with a clear-cut goal and end in sight. For instance, in my fitness coaching career, my mentor has set a goal for me that I am trying to achieve. It's a big goal in a short amount of time, but the pressure makes me want to push that much harder. I considered signing up for a fitness competition at the end of the year or next year, but I also have to know certain limits and boundaries. I definitely believe that I will compete at least once in my life, but the fact is that Harry and I are trying to get pregnant right now, and I need to make my goals match. It does not make sense for me to try and get pregnant and also try to bulk and cut and follow a very precise meal plan when my body has other jobs to do right now. That doesn't mean that I'm not still lifting and trying to get my body in peak physical condition, it just means I have to give it one important task at a time. Balance. Slowly but surely I'm getting the hang of this. I plan on writing up a schedule for my days so that I stay focused on my goals and don't skip anything, but also don't take away from my family time. I don't think it's impossible to be an entrepreneur and still maintain a healthy social life. Besides, there is no trade off for time with my family and friends. No courier or success would be worth it without the people I love by my side. If you recognize that something needs balance in your life, whether it's an action or your words or your routine, I pray that you take the steps to find the balance that works for you. Have a great Thursday!

The calm before the storm

Whew. I'm in one of those phases of life where there is A LOT going on, and all I can think about is how badly I want to lay on my couch and watch television! Last week focused heavily on church, Holy Week, and preparing for the family to come over on Easter Sunday. This week is full of night shifts, last minute preparations for my dear friends Cori and Johnny's wedding, a trip to visit a friend out of town, and then the actual festivities of the weekend for the wedding. Not to mention my mother in law's knee surgery got bumped up to this Friday, so I will need to check in on her at some point. I'm grateful for such a vibrant, eventful life, but I am MORE than excited for next week to be a little calmer! I have more day shifts than night which means more dinner and cuddles with my hubby. And I refuse to make any set plans; if something comes up that fits the time and mood, I'll be all in, but I want the freedom to just be a couch potato! (Figuratively, my workouts are going to be on point from now on!) Easter was so special to me, for many reasons, but it's time to get focused again. My belly has been very upset with my holiday decisions! From moments of feeling nauseous and the least bit hungry to eating more than necessary, thus leading back to feeling poopy. Ha! The vicious cycle! My morning business work is done, my breakfast Shakeo has me all energized... time to finish bridesmaid bouquets and then crush my leg day!! Happy Tuesday, people!

Returning to my writing!

Oh blog. The phases we go through together! I come and write daily for some time and then leave you high and dry. No more- I promise! This Lenten holiday has really invigorated me with new life. I'm focusing on my fitness business more to build it up so that it could be my full time HAPPY career someday, sooner than later. I'm being open and honest about my faith and trust in Jesus more on social media. True story- I didn't want to pretend I was going to give up something material for Lent (c'mon, I don't even make New Years Resolutions, gotta start small!), so I made the decision to give up a fear instead: no more fear of posting my faithfulness on social media and worrying about people judging me. Non-believers, friends of mine who have seen me when I was a negative agnostic, people who consider those that are open with their faith ignorant simply because they don't share that faith. I wanted to give that up, because I want to truly share love like Christ did. And the way I can do that is by sharing my own love, which stems from a love given to me by He who died for me. Holy Week put a lot of intense feelings in my heart that I haven't had since I was a pre-teen and decided to get baptized. It feels good to have this revived yet new life in me, so fitting for Lent. And I will have Sundays and Thursdays off from now on, which means this girl is getting back into the choir!!!!!!!!!! In the mean time, I do love my job at The Fresh Market. It's nice to help people with healthy food options and get a discount on them myself! Our store ranked #9 on the Consumer Report for top grocery stores in the US! How cool is that?! I think that once my at home business takes off and I'm able to make income off of it to not have another job, I'd still like to work two or three days a week there to stay around all the pretty food ;) My one online summer class will be starting next month- just my English 2. I haven't 100% decided what I want to do yet, but I'm really leaning towards nutritional science. I think that could help me incredibly with fitness clients, as well as my long term dream to help men & women recover from eating disorders. Our bathroom is also coming along beautifully, which brings some peace! I'm praying it's done before the summer weather starts so we can get our house back in order before cookout season starts! Well, this will be a short catch up post- I have many errands to do before work and then tomorrow is a magnificent Easter celebration at our home! Hope you are all well and living life fully this Holy Week! Love Lee