Slow Saturdays at work.

The lab is fairly dead here on the weekend. So I'm enjoying a little moment to catch up on here and look up some random Advent ideas. Now that Thanksgiving has passed, I hop entirely on the Christmas train!!! I am hoping to get all our Christmas decorations up by Sunday or Monday. This Thanksgiving was so beautiful. Everyone seemed to have a great time, all the food came out delicious, and I stayed fairly prepared the days before so that the holiday wasn't entirely hectic. Harry even watched a Charlie Brown Thanksgiving with me and we passed out on the couch fairly early! my sweetheart. The roads were HORRIBLE the next day, though. Black ice everywhere. I was stuck in the same spot in traffic for about 40 minutes. Then today the roads were fine... but my head wasn't! I randomly woke up at 4am, tossed and turned and somehow managed to stuff my phone under my pillow, so I never heard my alarm at 5am. Ended up coming in 40mins late for work -_- Not to mention I had a lovely headache for some reason. Hopefully I'm still just exhausted from trying to adjust to my new life schedule, and I'm not catching Harry's germs. I plan on taking it easy tonight (no filming till next weekend with the holiday), probably just having a couch & movie date with Amber and Harry. Did anyone take part in the insanity better known as Black Friday? I truly have no desire to ever go... well, only if someone else drove. Because parking lots drive me CRAZY around this time of year! I couldn't help myself... I made two small purchases online AHHHH! Hahaha I'm horrible. Pay Pal credit is the worst thing that ever happened, I swear! I cut up all my other cards but I can't cut that up so it continuously taunts me. ANYHOOOOO, the shopping deals suckered me in for two things I've been eyeing up for awhile now- I got a sweatshirt that says "Jesus loves this hot mess" and a tee shirt that says "Proverbs 31 Wifey" ... they are gorgeoussss! I'm probably going to get one of the Wifey tees for Holly for Christmas. Or soon hahaha. The company is Be Still if any of you gals are interested. I am SO excited for tomorrow! This is what my FANTASTIC Sunday will be made up of: Morning/ Afternoon- church with grandma and then starting the She Reads Truth Advent workbook together! Mid-day- decorating the house and snuggling the hubby and fur babies. Night- pie night at the home group!!! Sundays are always my most spiritually reinvigorating day. I look forward to Sunday every single week. I get my Christian fulfillment, I get my family fulfillment, and I get my recovery fulfillment. Perfection. Well, I'm off to see if any specimens have come in and prepare for lunch. Hope yinz guys have a magnificent weekend!

Pre-Thanksgiving catchup

Hello, internet! Tomorrow is the second big holiday of the end of the year, and i am EXCITED! Of course, some family drama was unfolded, but thankfully, has been resolved quickly. Or at least i hope. I am hopeful that one day that will not occur anymore, but i also know we always find a way to work around it. Anyhoo! SO excited to not have class this morning!! I didn't get to sleep in because of the aforementioned drama but at least i get to snuggle the fur babies  under blankets and watch tv before work. And then tonight- THE COOKING BEGINS!!!!!!! I just want that to get here, the cooking and family and the day off. Not to mention... TOMORROW IS ONE MONTH SOBER!!!! By the grace of God, i was able to realize the mistake i made with drinking again, although only with the guidance and help of my precious husband. I'm still trying to figure out where i can go to get my one month coin; i don't want to leave the family dinner early tomorrow but i also made plans with amber on friday so i can't go to baldwin now. We'll see.
I'll update later with the menu for tomorrow! :)

Update time!

Oh, life. You always have a way of getting crazy and keeping me from posting blogs! ;p
So the newest job updates: I officially got hired by Allegheny General Hospital. My first day is Monday! Yikes! I'm excited and a ball of nerves all at the same time! Mostly nervous about parking and performing my job, since it's completely new to me. My background check took longer to come in than they had hoped, so my start date got pushed back two weeks. But all is how it is meant to be. I was able to stay on at the tattoo shop! But the time has come at last... Time to get the ball rolling on my career path!
Update on drinking: it turns out that i had to walk, WE had to walk, the path of learning by mistakes. We jumped right back to where we left off rather quickly. In my personal story, i immediately obsessed over the drink again; nothing else mattered. My workouts slipped away, i consumed only junk food, my time after work was spent with a drink in hand and/ or bar hopping. Thankfully, Harry had a moment of clarity and after a good, honest talk, we walked away from the bottle again. Thanksgiving, we will celebrate a month sober. What a blessing!!! I could tell we made the wromg choice by drinking again, but my alcoholism screamed louder. Thankfully, God spoke through my husband and we are returning to the light. I returned to the program of recovery i love so much and jumped right back in.
My latest spiritual journey is also on the up and up! While i've been struggling with taking on the title of Christian or not, i feel like my heart has finally settled on where it is meant to be. I finally feel ok to claim myself as a Christian. To reintroduce Christ into my heart. I know i can allow Him in and still choose to be current with my faith. I'm trying to grow in my church as well as with my family. Reading Brian "Head" Welch's autobiography truly helped me find peace with it all. Jumping into Lacey Sturm's book now about her journey out of depression to Christ!
Other updates: started filming for Jon's movie this past weekend! Everything has gone really well so far! We'll be filming weekends through the first week of December. I'm just glad we're done with the outdoor scenes, i'm sick from it!!! And i'm completely thrilled that it will be shown in a real theater... First time seeing my acting on a big screen!!! Also, this being my last week at the shop, Amber is doing a little tattoo for me on Friday.. Something harry wrote me, in his handwriting, right under my left chest... So it's close to my heart :) i'll post a photo after!

So thankful today. For all that life & God have to offer.

The Adult Life

Yesterday I had a phone interview with a woman from Allegheny General Hospital. Oh- boy- nervousness. I had applied online for the part time position of night lab processor; a job i would seek with the degree i'm working hard to get. Now, i applied in august, so i was certain my lack of experience had hurt my chances. But lo and behold, i got an email monday to set up a phone interview! And friday morning, i knocked it out of the ball park! And i secured an in- person interview tuesday morning! My only concerns now: my tattoos will be a hinderance (don't worry, i plan on wearing long sleeves and potentially toying with foundation on my hands) and that the tattoo shop will want to find someone full time to make up for me not being able to cover 5 days, thus forcing me to get a second job somewhere. Not going to lie, blog readers, i managed to have a full 365 degree rotation of feelings on this in the matter of a day! hahaha. After i got off the phone, theemotions  flowed like this: i am going to NAIL this, the job is mine! - i'm floating on clouds - i better tell everyone - oh crap, my boss just pointed out that they've preferred only having one receptionist/ shop girl - oh crap i'm going to have to find a shitty second job - oh no, allegheny health network probably hates tattoos and piercings - i'm screwed - why even bother - maybe i should cancel my interview - fuxkfuxkfuxk - AND THEN... Today came. And i felt the anxiety slowly slip away. Because i found potential solutions to shine beyond my tattoos.  Because i realized that i could find a part time position close to home somewhere just to keep my end of the finances together until AGH could offer me a full time spot. And i breathed again.
Continually, i have to offer my patience, belief, and faith to God and the greater plan. Whatever is meant to happen will. I have set the ball in motion to get a big girl job; no matter what, something good will come out of this.

Not too much time left at work,  and then it's off to the memorial service for Arlene. I look forward to reminiscing about her. There will be a LOT of tears tonight though so i will be surely keeping my makeup SUPER minimal ha.

Spiritual struggles and surviving the leap

I don't know about you guys... But i constantly find my heart doing crazy spins and circles trying t nail down what to call my spirituality. I see the rest of the world around me and i try to be just like it; i look for the label to call my spiritual sense, to call the Divine that i feel keeping me centered and pushing me forward. As a young teenager, i made the decision to be baptized in a christian church. That resonated with my heart and soul for some time, and it was good. My great grandmother and grandmother both had a deep commitment, and more importantly JOY, in the church, and i felt it. But through my years of growing and learning, i chose not to call myself a christian anymore. I found a deep connection to the earth, to the energy and positivity i could see, feel, but also believe in without proof. Fast forward to more recently: i began attending church with my grandma again while still working my program of sobriety. Many of the teachings in the recovery program were centered around christian philosophies; overall positive life enforcements. I felt the calling to go back to church. But my head started doing laps that my heart didn't require, and the lack of synchronicity pushed me to weird places again; do i have to call myself a christian again- do i want to? Is this where my soul is meant to hear its most important calling? So many questions!!!! And you know what- all the stress and questions i place myself under keep me from hearing my Divine calling, from hearing how i am meant to be a positive light in the world! The past few days, i felt disconnection in my spirituality. I found the peace i needed today while meditating. I cannot label myself. Because quite frankly, in all aspects of my life, i've never fit into labels or molds; i've always been a little all over the place ;p i do enjoy going to church with my grandma, and i plan on continuing to do that. But i do also still pray to the Goddess as well, and i enjoy my crystals and giving back to Gaia in rituals. I know that wherever i am, no matter the religion or lack thereof, my soul is always connected to the Divine; i am always doing my Creator's work- LOVE.
I pray today that you all feel connected to whatever Presence resonates with your heart, spirit, soul, mind.... If you judge yourself cruely, if you judge yourself about what you believe, imagine what others will do to you! Be strong- God is in and with you always!

Busy Beezy!

What a busy whirlwind life has been lately!! School is getting more in depth, family events all the time... I'm exhausted!
Our weekend away at the Summit Inn Resort was ahhhh-mazing. Nothing like quality alone time in a beautiful setting with old architecture and my man. Plus we dis better at the Gladiator Rock N Run 5k than last year, which makes me a happy girl. (Especially since my workout game has been off... Wayyyy off.)
Harry LOVED his anniversary gift, YAY! Nothing could be better than his reaction <3
This week has been crammed with hunting and visiting with Dad before he heads back to Alaska. Thankfully Harry got our first doe last night!! I love this time of year; knowing we have meat for awhile makes me not even want to touch te other garbage factory meat that everyone buys/ uses. I know we have something real, fresh, right in our home, literally from our backyard. God, and my husband (!), provide!!!!!
We have a surprise family bday dinner to attend tonight. And then finally some relax time tomorrow night after work. I'm ready for some lazy couch time!!! But by lazy i mean, after work nothing but relaxing at home haha. My ass is getting back into gear; about to start my first workout in a long time... As in almost 3 weeks!!! Yikes. I also have a lot of planning and crafting to do for our Halloween party/ cookout next month. I just need some quality home time right now, not laziness!!
Hope you all have a great weekend! Xox

Quick catch-up!

Long time no blog! Life has been busy and full of changes! College is going well; i have A's in 2 out of my 3 classes (we haven't had graded assignments in the 3rd yet). I just joined the team for the newspaper at school as well. Although I have to tell you, i can't remember the damn name of the paper ever. I should work on that ;p i'm pretty sure i'll be covering my first event next thursday!! So excited. Work is the usual, good and every week flies by. I'm taking a half day today; we're leaving for the secret weekend getaway i planned for our 1 year anniversary!!! And we have the Gladiator 5k Rock-N-Run tomorrow on our actual anniversary! (Side note: i will write more about this weekend after it occurs; can't have my #1 reader- hubby- getting any clues!!!) My dad is also visiting from Alaska for 2 weeks. Hopefully our dang schedules coordinate soon so we can get together. The plan is to show him our house next wednesday; i'm excited for him to see it, and to see my hunting gear! Archery season opens tomorrow, so we're getting all our gear in order! Harry took off work on monday so we can go out together between my classes :)
Another big change has occurred recently...
Now before I get into that, let me just say this universal truth: the only constant in life is change.
Harry and i attended our friends' wedding a week ago. It will beautiful, and they are such lovely people. The ceremony was short & sweet, and the reception began within an hour of us being there. We got to talking, as we watched everyone around us. Should we have a drink? Should we not? We had both been struggling with the idea lately of if it was possible to drink like a normal, responsible pair of adults. So we talked it out for awhile. We didn't jump right into it. One of the greatest things i gained in my 1.5 year of sobriety is the desire to be honest and try my best to communicate. Harry is my partner forever; we swore to God to always care for each other, and i married him because i truly believe we'll never be apart again. So to have this openness and communication, i couldn't be more grateful. I used to bury my feelings and thoughts but i progressively learn how to share them and seek to ALWAYS be honest-- ESPECIALLY with myself. Well, we did it. We had a few small cups of beer. We left my car parked at the venue to be safe ALTHOUGH we did not get drunk. Buzzed perhaps, but that would be expected after not drinking for so long. And that was it. No excessive bat hopping after, no partying till late hours, no hot mess express, secret shots, or anything like the past. We have had a few beers since that as well. I haven't had more than 2 or 3, and I take my time with them instead of guzzling them down. I have no plans of returning to the dim, sad bars we used to frequent. I DONT WANT TO DRINK TO GET DRUNK. That obsession truly was lifted from me by God. The Bible points out very distinctly that God does not desire for His children to be drunkards. And i want to honor my Father. I still want to be a vessel of love & light. I have left my program of recovery, but the women i got close with are STILL my best friends. I value their spirituality, their constant desire to be honest, the way they loved the REAL me and not the depressed, party version of me. They helped me open myself up and dig out all the wreckage. They will always be my sisters.
The change in my mind came because of just that: change. I could see that my perception of alcohol had changed. As was with my eating disorders, there was a LBM (light bulb moment). In the beginning of my journey to live, my LBM was that i could not take any alcohol in; it was burying me, and fast. I needed to be sober to clear my heart and head of things from the past, to grow into a woman, to be fully present for my wedding. But recently i had another LBM; that like my eating disorder, my perception of this thing changed; i don't want to drink to get drunk. I don't want to run from my beautiful life, i love myself (the most signifcant difference). So this new path has begun. So far, i think i am making clear choices. And if i'm mistaken, i know who to call, i know where to go. The rooms will ALWAYS be there for me if i need them. I'm just praying every day; God, YOUR will, not mine. I'm trusting His journey. I'm living a life through Him.

Well, i have to finish packing for the weekend. You loved have a beautiful day; enjoy this perfect fall weather! Enjoy yourselves. Enjoy God. Give thanks & love <3