comfort food :)

Let me be honest- yesterday i was worn out to the point of insanity! It was definitely the type of day where even just a breathe made me want to cry and the person driving in front of me made me homocidal- regardless of how they were driving ;p so thankfully my hubby knows how to swoop in and fix it; my head that is! I cancelled my plans for the evening and asked harry if we could make someone else cook for us! A big bowl of pasta from Atria's hit the spot!!!! Sometimes i feel like i'm completely trapped in my head and it's impossible to see other people, other feelings, positivity, anything outside of the sick, nutty thoughts that race through my head and end up physically impairing me. I turn to my husband and family and recovery family in these times. Because they help me get out of me, return to the real world, and center my prayers. Last night, i knew i needed the reconnection to Harry. It was perfect. I could literally feel the weight of my unrealistic emotions lift off of me. We had a great night together, fell asleep at ease, and i woke up feeling so refreshed! I can reflect on things that happened this week and grow from them, rather than shrink at my perception of them. I know God gives me tests and lessons to rise above, not be defeated by.
That being said, last two days of work for the week, time to get 'em over with so i can enjoy my days off with family!!! Sunday is alllll family- church with gram, my nephew's birthday party, and my home group meeting. Nothing like a whole day with the people i love so so much!!!

On the last note; i have had two marvelous experiences with my age this week ;p hahahahaha
-In my english class yesterday, we worked in groups. We read two articles, picked main points out, etc. Naturally, i was leading the group- i WILL take the reign in an english class!!!! Anyway, one of the girls in the group asked how old i was because she felt like i didn't talk like a younger girl HAHA i mean, the way she worded it, i took it completely as a compliment. But i am for sure the oldest or one of about three older people in all my classes so far.
-And our hostess at Atria's? Why, yes, it was a girl i have known since she was an infant and used to babysit! Holy cow. Can we also talk about the fact that with her mother's indian heritage, she was GORGEOUS and looked older than me?! I felt old but looked 12. STORY OF MY LIFE.

Bwahaha
It's ok though :)

Exhaustion!

Well, this week has shown me that my current life is going to give me several nights of sleeping like a baby! Up at 5, workout, class, work, dinner, sleep! Harry is more awake than i am at the end of the day- IMPOSSIBLE! I still haven't heard back from AGH. Not going to get upset, i know God has a plan for me. And it would have been night shift haha so maybe His plan is simply to take it easy on me?! Hahaha. I'm just happy to be moving forward; that's all that matters to me! Probably going to leave my weekend open for wildness... And by that i mean pumpkin coffee and bio homework!!!
Life is GOOD! Practice an attitude of gratitude EVERY day!!!

Feeling on top of the world!

Well, i have to admit... My first class yesterday was filled with anxiety and then laughter and acceptance. The whole way to school and while i was sitting in the classroom before we started, i was almost sure i might puke! ;p i used the restroom and saw harry's lunchbox; his company is working on our lab! Hopefully they finish quickly because i want to get in there! But my anxiety left when my teacher started to get into our plans and goals. She is amaaaaazing! Smart, funny, and she swears like a sailor- perfect! I'm looking forward to bio. Unfortunately i did do a ridiculous amount of running around after class and harry and i took a mega power nap until about 7:30. So unusual for me! Thankfully we were both so beat that we still went to bed around our normal time.
Back to school tomorrow, my second bio of the week, followed by english thursday morning. I'm glad paych doesn't start until early september because FUCK are books expensive. Ridiculous. Oh well, i'll do whatever it takes to get to my career! I already applied to for Med Lab Tech in spring 2015. Oh man i hope that there are no complications!

New, amazing things on the horizon!

This Sunday morning, i have so much to be grateful for!! Well, most days, but i can reflect on so much today! Darren is back from his tour in Qatar, safe and sound- THANK GOD! He got leave to come home so we spent some time with him and his girlfriend and family on friday night. I don't know what i would do without my cousin. Saturday we had our usual chick flick/ take-out night with amber :) i love that my hubby is so wonderful to spend time with and does the cutesy stuff with us! And today- so much on my mind! I am looking forward to church with my gram. The new pastor at her church is very powerful and moving! His sermon last sunday really called to me! I still want to check out the Hot Metal Faith community, but Harry isn't able to go to church with me today so we're waiting for that. After that i'll head to harry's hockey game and hopefully check out bubba's gourmet burger place!!! It doesn't get much fresher than having the butcher in the back of the restaurant!!! And we get to see the new baby, kaleb!!!! Hopefully soon we'll be able to have our own little bundle. Tomorrow is MONUMENTAL! My first day of college, ever, at 27 years old. You know, getting older doesn't make it any lessnerve racking! I'm just as nervous as i imagine a kid fresh out of high school is! Also, i should hopefully get word back about my applicatiom to AGH to do part time lab processing!!! My cousin Dawn put in a good word with her friend which would be amazing!!! They would probably even end up paying for most of my school. AMAZIIIING! Wow. So nuts that i could start school and hear back on a job related to my career goal in the same day! I could basically cry with joy! HAHA!
Plus, we are finally almost at the one month countdown to our one year anniversary. I don't know how you people keep presents a surprise, this shit is torture! After the anniversary i'm going back to my old ways of gifts whenever i get them hahahaha
Happy sunday! Hope you are all open to love & light today!

MIA blogger!

I have been so wrapped up in the trillions of things i create in my life that this blog has struggled! And i cannot lie- getting instagram back took me out of this virtual minimal sharing and put me back into social media spewing.
This is my promise to myself... To get back on my blog. Especially with school starting next month. I will need the escape!!!

I must remember...

I must remember that time and life do not happen according to my plans. I must trust the Divine to care for me and give me what i NEED rather than what i WANT. As another feminine moment has arrived with the morning, i feel an odd combination of calm and devastation. When will we become parents? When will i put down my grandiose ideas and have that seed of life and love growing inside of me? I create these notions that set me up for heartache inflicted only by myself. The curious notion that somehow our first attempt at actually timing our sexual activity would manifest a child. The attempt to give harry some kind of wonderous news on father's day that he wasn't expecting. I am creating pitfalls for myself. I must find the balance between sending my intentions to become pregnant out into the Universe without over exaggerating what my body is capable of. I, in fact, am only still learning what my body can do. I am only beginning to grow the seed of the Goddess within myself to bloom; expecting to harvest another Soul is fairly egotistical. I am seeking patience, service, and guidance outside of myself. I think i need a day in the woods tomorrow to set my intentions and self love in Gaia so that i may truly find the peace i seek in my heart in this moment.

Healthy & happy!

Life is such a blessing! God has been so gracious to me, and i'm seeing it in big & little things. Sitting on our porch opens my eyes to the beauty in my life. Nature and my family- all in the presence of God- what more could i need?!?! Well, nothing, but i receive more!!! I registered for 3 classes so far in the fall!!! Time to really push myself to grow. Nursing is something i should have considered a million years ago. I'm a little nervous, but mostly excited! I long to better myself and have a real career. I just keep thinking of how i want to pave the way for my future, for our future. When we're older and both able to retire, i'll be so grateful i worked hard now. I'm getting myself back on track with my exercising and food as well. I'm able to move past the road bumps now. I acknowledge them, i move on; i cannot give those moments any more time or energy than they already take. So on to bigger and better things- in everything in life! We grilled a bunch of meat yesterday, boom! Back in the food prep train! We have to go grocery shopping so veggies & rice are being made as needed, plus i prefer to have them fresh. And back to morning workouts and breakfast shakes!!! :)

Also, harry shaved his beard yesterday morning and the pens ended up losing... I'm blaming him entirely ;p hahahaha

Chicken marinated in a ginger dressing, grilled.

93% lean patties stuffed with a tiny piece of pepperjack for extra kick!

Dinner last night: edamame & 2 of my lean patties!

Yum!!! This morning's breakfast/ post-workout shake!

The last photo taken of the beard- Monday night at Primanti's before the Crosses show. RIP beard